Do you ever feel like you can relate to Paul when he says, "I have this thorn in my flesh…and three times I begged the Lord to take it away…"? I do. When I look around at my brothers and sisters whom I know well and have a good picture and understanding of their walk with the Lord, I can notice a "struggle pattern" in each one. For some there is this never ending struggle with fear; for others it is trust or patience; and for others it is comfort or motivation. For me is that ever annoying test of the "eleventh hour" and so I suppose my struggle is waiting for the Lord. Over and over in the back of my mine is the song "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord" and yet strength does not rise because over and over I fail to wait. Usually this waiting is coupled with money (ugh, my worst enemy) and some sort of financial need or deadline.
This is how it goes: In the beginning I am always confident that the Lord will provide saying things like "His will, His bill"; "If he calls me to it, He'll see me through it"; and my favourite "God is never too early and never too late." Then a few days or couple weeks go by and in the back of my mine the Enemy begins to stir up doubt in me, "what if He doesn't come through Aisha? Then you'll end up looking like a big fat liar! What makes you so sure that your problems and needs really matter to Him anyway? Look at how much you need! That goal is impossible. You should take matters into your own hands or better yet…just give up." I usually fight back with a Bible verse or a powerful song and then keep going about my way and push it out of my mind. Then crunch time comes and it's at the point where there is nothing I can do but trust in the Lord….and I panic.
Isn't that ridiculous what I just said??? Nothing I can do but trust in the Lord, and my response is panic, when what I really should be doing is rejoicing because that means the time is ripe for the harvest! The Lord often waits until it seems like time has run out or until the odds are so stacked up against us. Why? Because that way no one can have the glory but Him–the only One deserving of it. The eleventh hour has been such a reoccurring theme in my life in these past few years and every time I panic and freak out thinking it's all too late, God slaps me in the face with some spiritual two-by-four and reminds me that He does not panic, so why should I? He has promised to care for me in the way that I need caring for. And if that means Him choosing not to provide money or whatever it is I have asked for, then it must not really be what is needed in that moment. And so what if others think I'm a big fat liar or silly for having faith. It's not about them and it's not about me. He sees the bigger picture; not I.
And so, in less than 3 weeks is my first deadline: $3,500. And what do I do? You guessed it: panic. Oh me of little faith. Will I ever learn? Will I ever stop with the "spiritual amnesia"? Over and over He has proved Himself faithful and over and over He always comes through when the eleventh hour passes me by…yet somehow in the heat of the moment I forget the character of the One I serve.
Today I have been reminded of my primary role in this matter: to pray. It sounds simple and so cliché, but honestly why do we commit so little time to actually doing it? Sure I have said under my breath "Lord please help me" and yes of course He hears those prayers, but prayer is more than a request that is heard. It is an intimate moment of coming in to the Holy of Holies and pouring out your breath to Him while He pours out His breath on you. This concept, this act, this experience is so unusual if you think of it: The Power so much HIGHER and BEYOND us, INVITES us in to Himself and SPENDS TIME with us. Prayer changes us to see rightly, and then in turn whether or not my request has been granted, I have been given something even greater in the experience in and of itself. Wow.
I just finished reading Prince Caspian (soooo much better and different than the movie) and there was one line spoken to Susan, who didn't believe the Lion was coming to help them, that hit a personal chord in me:
"You have listened to fears, child," said Aslan. "Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?"
Perhaps prayer is less of us talking, and more of letting God breathe on us, making us strong and brave again. So this is my goal: to freak out less and to be steadfast in prayer–resting in the breath of God. My money will come when man thinks it too late. And if it doesn't…then at least I have spent moments with Him.
Be blessed by this song below!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeiCqDJMpUY
