To me she wasn’t just another girl searching for truth, another life to love, another person to invest in. To me she wasn’t the lesbian who had a crush on me. To me she IS the girl who changed my perspective.
She is so many wonderful things but mostly she is the first person on the race who my heart broke for. Jesus calls us to love because he first loved us! He loved us through all the sin, through all the good and bad, and yet I find many who don’t believe in loving sinners. Homosexuality is something that I personally have had a hard time with – not because I had personal struggles but because I struggled to understand how to love these people the way God does. We’ve turned sins into a chart, this one being worse that then one, and thus justifying our actions because others sins worse then we do. God looks at all sins the same; murder, promiscuity, lying, hating, lust.
Standing in a morning devotion at Camp Joy I realized all of this and she showed it to me. It was the joy and love you could see she has for Jesus that rocked my world. Upon getting to know her she said she wasn’t saved, that she hadn’t asked Jesus into her heart. In her eyes I saw hurt when the others said “we are still working on it” its almost as if she took that as she wasn’t good enough for Jesus because she is gay. My heart broke instantly. I am no more deserving of God’s love then she is, I am no more righteous then this girl. I am simply different, we lust after different genders and this makes her feel unworthy of a relationship with God. I was baffled, hurt, confused and down right angry. She had been very upset with the other girls for telling us that she was a lesbian in the first place and now to see her feeling alone and unworthy, I just didn’t know what to do. So I prayed.
God called me to continue to pour into her life over the 2.5 weeks we had in Strandfontein. He called me to love her the way He does & so I did my best. We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ. To love each other so much that others will notice, to love others even when they hate us. She changed my life and I don’t even think she knows it. She loves people, she doesn’t care who or what you are. She was the catalyst in God teaching me to love people on a deeper level. His unconditional, self sacrificing love is what we are called to bring to others and I’m learning what that tangibly looks like on a day to day basis. Her hurt, shame, and brokeness but mostly her LOVE for Jesus has impacted me more then she will ever know and for that I am SO blessed.
Vivian – if you ever read this please know that I am so thankful that we got to know each other, you have been a huge blessing in my life. I pray for you often. Give the girls all BIG hugs for me, I miss you all!
If you are interested in helping me continue this journey please pray for month 3 in Mozambique & if you feel so lead please donate by clicking on the “Support Me” tab on the left hand side of this page. Without your help my journey will end December 1st so please prayfully consider helping me be the hands and feet of Jesus.
