Another part of us working with World Hope means we get to hang out at First Step. First Step is a place for children to go and hang out when they have no where else to go. It is open in the afternoon and children can come and go as they please. When they come they will get a snack and a very large, hot, home cooked meal. They will get a clean change of clothes (the ones they wore in will get washed and given back another day) and have the option to take a shower and get cleaned up. The staff at First Step not only care for the children’s physical needs but also their medical and spiritual needs as well. I have witnessed many bandages being applied to scrapped knees and blistered feet. Everyday the kids get to join in reading one chapter from the Bible and hear a short lesson. They are also taught to pray. The children can play games or watch movies or just hang out and be kids when they are there.
One child in particular has really gripped my heart. Her name is Rosa. She is 16 years old.
Sadly, the scars were the first thing that caught my eye. They covered her left arm from her wrist to her elbow. She distanced herself from the rest of the group. It was the first time she had met us and she acted shy. I wanted to talk to her but I do not speak Russian and she doesn’t speak English… besides… I didn’t really know what I’d say anyway. I wanted to just hold her… tell her that God loves her. I wanted her to know that things could be better. I wanted her to know that there was HOPE… that there was FREEDOM… that there was LIFE. Instead I just sat next to her at lunch and watched her eyes as they noticed that I had scars too. It was the first time that I actually wanted someone to ask me about them. I wanted her to ask me about them because I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her that I lived in that dark place of self-injury for 20 years (ages 8-28). I wanted to tell her that whom the Son sets free is fee indeed (John 8:36). I wanted to tell her that the One, True, Mighty, Loving, Abba, God delivered me from death and gave me Life. I wanted to tell her that her Father wanted to give her the same thing. But I couldn’t, so I just sat there and ate lunch while she realized that she wasn’t as alone as she thought she was.
The next day she surprised me. She ran up to me and grabbed a hold of my hand. She poked my teammate, Carmen, to get her attention and she pointed at my scars.. then at hers. I understood what she wanted to say. She was letting Carmen know that we were the same. We came from the same pain. It made me sad to think that she was still living through such terrible pain… the pain that surfaces to the skin in the form of cuts and burns… the pain that people just won’t ever understand. I understood because I lived it… and she knew that… she knew she could trust me.. she knew I was a safe place… she knew because we had the same skin. It made me even sadder to think that she was still living through such terrible pain… that she was still living like this when there was something better out there – LOVE.
The next day at First Step she came in later than usual. She was wearing a long sleeve shirt (and it is 90 degrees outside). The next think I saw was one of the staff, bandages in hand, following her into the bathroom. My heart broke for her. She came out with her left arm bandaged and her right arm covered in fresh cuts. She sat down next to me and pointed to the cuts on her thigh that were poking out of her mini skirt. I pulled the fabric of my skirt up a bit and showed her that I too had permanent marks on my legs. She looked up at me with the saddest most empathic eyes I have ever seen. Today, unlike the others, we had a translator. I pulled them aside and I told Rosa that I was like her for 20 years but that God fixed it. She looked at me, started to cry, and got up and left.
I haven’t seen her in 2 days – she never came back.
I don’t know what God wants from me for Rosa. I don’t know what to do for her. I do know that it is not an accident that I am at this ministry in Ukraine. It is not an accident that God put Rosa in my path. I don’t know what to do – except pray. Please join me in praying for Rosa… and all the young girls that wear their pain!
