I haven’t written on this site in so long! I am sorry about that. Many of you have followed me along this journey from the start. I wanted to post an update. If you would like to continue to follow to see where God is leading me next you can find me at http://let-hope-in.com/. Here you can join us as we set out on our newest adventure… adoption!
If you are interested in supporting us through this journey… we are in desperate need of PRAYER! Also, you have the chance to be a part of this puzzle – to help us get our missing piece home! You can donate $10.00 to our puzzle fundraiser here http://let-hope-in.com/puzzle/. We are trying to raise 1/3 ($10,000) of our adoption cost (approx $35,000).
Below I have copied a post, from our new blogsite, explaining why adoption, why the new blog, etc.
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Why. Such a small word that brings with it such weighty explanations.
Why adoption? Why not babies of our “own”? Why this blog? Why ‘Let Hope In”? So many whys. So many questions. So many not so easy answers.
But I’m going to try.
The road that led us to adoption has been quite interesting. I always wanted to adopt. I have always been in love with the orphan and the widow and the oppressed and the broken and the addicted and the hungry. I have always had a heart for missions and travel and orphanages and the fatherless.
I never even considered wanting a baby of my “own”. I always saw myself just adopting a bunch of babies from some small village in Africa or something. But God had other plans for those desires of my heart.
Fast forward some years and… enter my super awesome husband! Married a bit later in our life we decided to start trying to grow our family early into our marriage. And month after month the disappointment came. I was confused how I could want something so fiercely. I was surprised how deep my hurt and anger grew with every passing month. On Nov. 7th, 2013, I turned 33. Me and Zach had been married for a little over a year and a half (19 months) and had reached our 13 month of trying.
Wednesday Nov. 13th I had the doctors appointment. My doctor explained all the tests we could proceed with on this new road of infertility and hopes for a baby. She also went on to explain that our insurance would not cover any of the testing. Everything would have to be paid out-of-pocket so we could decide what tests we wanted to do. I was devastated. I was tired. I was over it. I was over how difficult everything had become. Our desire seemed so simple – we just wanted to love and care for a baby. We just wanted a baby. And here I was, once again, left disappointed.
But I was quickly reminded that HOPE doesn’t disappoint (Rom. 5:5). I remembered the story of the woman with the issue of blood. She spent all she had on doctors that couldn’t fix her. It was Jesus that fixed her (see Luke 8:43-48).
Really all these tests were for was to find out what was wrong with us. But when I thought about what the outcome of all these tests would be – it didn’t make any sense to go through with it. So what if something was wrong with Zach or me or both or neither? God would still be on the throne. God would still be our good and faithful Father. God would still be in the business of miracles. God would still be our HOPE who we trust and believe in.
I mean Jesus already paid the highest price (Rom. 8:32), He already took care of our infertility on the cross (Isaiah 53:5). We are complete in Him (Col. 2:10)! So really, there isn’t anything wrong with us. God has a good plan (Jer. 29:11), it’s just that His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). You see, we KNOW that He is going to do MORE than we could ever dare to ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20)!
So… no point to go through with the tests. We will just continue to try and trust. God knows the day we will conceive. He has already written down every one of our days before we were ever born (Psalm 139:16). He knows the exact day our birth story will unfold. He knows how our adoption journey will end! Just as He planned and wrote the story to our lives He is also writing the life story of our children. Biological and Adopted!
And I finally realized I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t make it happen. It didn’t matter what I tried to do… fertility yoga, paleo diets, fertility diets, ovulation tests, bbt charts, the chiropractor, therapy, doctor after doctor appointments, standing on my head… Only God knows our birth story. Only He can make it happen. It’s the same thing with our adoption process… it doesn’t matter if the nursery is ready, and we read all the books, raise all the money, go to all the meetings, get picked by a birth mom… Only God knows our adoption journey. He is in charge. He is in control.
And what if God didn’t even write any biological children in our life story? Finally, I was ok with that. I finally understood that HOPE still wouldn’t dissapoint because my HOPE is in HIM… not my baby.
And in a moment… just like that… some HOPE got in… and God immediately started filling my heart with peace and joy (Rom. 15:13).
ALL that to say… now is the perfect time to start the adoption process. I never wanted adoption to be a second choice, our “plan B”. I never wanted it to be a “because we couldn’t, so we….” process. I always knew we’d adopt. And if we happen to get pregnant in the process – well… I trust God knows exactly what He is doing. He is sovereign and His timing perfect!
We don’t have to adopt. We GET to adopt! I mean, after all, God chose to adopt me! (Eph. 1:4-5) AND my childhood dreams of adopting internationally have transformed into my adulthood dreams of domestic infant adoption. God’s awesome like that.
So, why this blog then? Well, over the past year… during the months of disappointments and the months of adoption discussions and the months of not understanding what I was feeling… I found a lot of encouragement in other women’s blogs. Blogs about trying to conceive, blogs about infertility, blogs about the adoption process. I started following these women… reading their honesty and transparency and vulnerability as they let me in on the most intimate parts of their lives. I started praying for these women and hoping for them. I guess that is my hope for this blog. I hope other women may find something here – find encouragement. I hope it will bring information and awareness and explanation and education. I hope it will be something our babies can look back on and see how much they were loved and wanted and wished for and prayed for and desired. I hope the plan and hand of God will so evidently be displayed in this story. I hope it will be a testimony to the goodness and faithfulness and power and love of our Abba. I hope it in every way BRINGS GLORY TO GOD!
So, why ‘Let Hope In’?
Well, thanks to a very very dear friend (and Daniel Bashta)… ‘Let Hope In’ has kind of been a mantra over the past year. On the darkest days, the most confusing days, the days where I felt alone, the days where I felt like a failure, the days where I felt forgotten… the days where I didn’t want any hope for the “then”, I just wanted some comfort for the “now”… during those days… I was always reminded to just let some HOPE in…
And it is amazing what a little HOPE can do!
LISTEN – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5SWqNShtnY – Let Hope In – Daniel Bashta’s song
READ – http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/article.php?article_id=1037 – the Bashta’s adoption story
WATCH – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uu-WU3aj1I – the Bashta’s birth story
Will our story look like theirs? Nope. Are we promised the same outcome? Not really. But we are promised that HOPE doesn’t disappoint. And really, more than anything I just find a huge amount of encouragement in their testimony. And it helps fuel my excitement for my family’s own testimony to unfold. EVERY DAY IS ONE DAY CLOSER TO MEETING OUR CHILDREN! That makes today the most exciting day – full of anticipation and expectancy… and HOPE!
May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope. – Romans 15:13 (AMP)
LET HOPE IN.
