“…this is Jesus, in His glory… King of Heaven, dying for me… such a love…”
I can’t stop thinking about it. He died. On purpose – for me – He died. And not just a peaceful, in His sleep kind of death, but a brutal and humiliating and agonizing death. He died – on purpose – for me. … such an amazing love…
I can’t stop thinking about it because I can’t understand it. (May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Eph 4:19 NLT) I mean, growing up in a church where communion was served every Sunday, I heard “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, He took the cup of wine after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant between God and you, sealed by the shedding of my blood. Do this in remembrence of me as often as you drink it.” For every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you are announcing the Lord’s death until He comes again. – 1 Corinth 11:24-26, NLT. I had heard this so often I think I’d stopped paying attention to what was even being said. I stopped listening to what it all really meant. But, as Good Friday and Easter approach, all I can think about is the fact that He died.
I have really been wrestling around with the fact that I do not know how to love like Christ wants me to – like Him. Also, I have really been seeking to know just what being a Christian really means. And I keep coming back to – He died – on purpose – for me.
It is such an overwhelming, overpowering thought… a love that really is just incomprehensible… that Jesus went through all of that just because He loves me! I grew up with the story, the concept, all the right “church” answers… but do I really understand it – how much He loves me? No. Am I super excited and beyond thankful that He does? Heck Yes!! … such a love… such a great big love…
How am I supposed to feel about this? One moment I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was/am/will be such a sinner that His death ever needed to take place. I’m angry – I want it to stop. I don’t want Him to suffer because of me… Then, I’m thankful – so thankful for the gift of salvation, thankful for being loved even when so undeserving. Also, I’m in such awe of how sacrificial and beautiful my Savior is… such love… such an overwhelming love…
Richard Wurmbrand wrote in “Tortured for Christ”, of a Russian officer:
” …He longed for God, but he had never seen a Bible. He had no religious education and never attended religious services (churches in Russia then were very scarce). He loved God without the slightest knowledge of Him. I read to him the Sermon on the Mount and the parables of Jesus. After hearing them, he danced around the room in rapturous joy proclaiming, “What a wonderful beauty! How could I live without knowing this Christ!” It was the first time that I saw someone joyful in Christ. Then I made a mistake. I read to him the passion and crucifixion of Christ, without having prepared him for this. He had not expected it and began to weep bitterly. He had believed in a Savior and now his Savior was dead! I looked at him and was ashamed. I had called myself a Christian, a pastor, and a teacher of others, but I had never shared the sufferings of Christ as this Russian officer now shared them. Looking at him, it was like seeing Mary Magdalene weeping at the foot of the cross, faithfully weeping when Jesus was a corpse in the tomb. Then I read to him the story of the resurrection and watched his expression change. He had not known that his Savior arose from the tomb. When he heard this wonderful news, he beat his knees and swore – using very dirty, but very “holy” profanity. This was his crude manner of speech. Again he rejoiced, shouting for joy, “He is alive! He is alive!” He danced around the room once more overwhelmed with happiness!”
I can’t stop thinking about it. And, I can’t stop thinking that His death should mean a lot more to me in the way that I live my life. I keep thinking that I shouldn’t be able to take communion – hold the bread and the cup – His body and His blood – in my hands, without being completely overwhelmed with emotion. I can not allow myself to stay desensitized of the reality of what Jesus did for me – the magnitude of His love – just because “I hear it every Sunday”, or “I know the story”. I keep thinking that i need to give up everything to Him – the one that sacrificed it all for me. I think anything less than everything just isn’t fair! I keep thinking I should be dancing at the thought of this amazing love (His life)… I should weep at the death of my friend (His crucifixion)… I should bow down in awe at the mighty power of the King (His resurrection)… I should do a lot of things. I mean when is the last time I jumped around, overcome with sheer joy, shouting “He is alive! He is alive!”? I don’t think I have ever done that. And I ask myself why!!! Yes, He died. He died – on purpose – for me… But he is very much real and very much alive – IN ME!
So I pose the question to myself: Am I living my life – emotionally dead to Christ and alive in the world or dead to the world and very much alive in Him?
“…. this is Jesus, in His glory… King of Heaven, dying for me… such a love….”
