Song to go with this blog- “Letting Go” By Bethel Music
Learning how to let go and completely trust God with every single detail of your life, has to be the most challenging task that we will ever face on earth. The reason why i haven’t written a new blog in a while is because i honestly haven’t felt inspired, and i am not going to write anything unless it is God desiring me to do so. These blogs will never be directly about me, but about who God is and what He does in my life and those around me.
Heart check… One thing that i have struggled hard with more than anything is being abandoned by men. It leaves this place in your heart, where you never feel good enough. So you strive for perfection and if your like me, you give everything you can for them to just love you as much as you love them. Let me tell you, its exhausting and in the end it still leads to heartbreak.Yes, i know that God loves me and only His love for me is what matters. I AM HUMAN, ya know? lol.
I have come to a place recently where i have had enough! Call it a heart check if you will, what is taking the place in my heart that God is trying to fill?
Why are you not trusting God with this one area of your life?
Ive decided to let go and ask God to heal these places in my heart. This started with me shutting out distractions, whatever is trying to take His place and surrender it to Him at whatever cost!! (This is painful in the process)
Here is where it gets good…You want to keep reading…
God speaks to us all in different ways…but this is the way He spoke to my heart and it was exactly what i have needed to endure this season that i am in of healing.
Story number 1- I went to see beauty and the beast, one of my all time favorite Disney films. Though the story is about love and romance, that isn’t what spoke to me. There is a scene where Belle and her father are locked up in the carriage, this is right as the towns people are on their way to kill the beast. The Father looks at Belle and says ” I would do anything, to protect my daughter”.
As a daughter, these sweet words resonate with my heart in more ways than you know. I needed them, i needed the reminder that God isn’t trying to hurt me in anyway with things not going as i would expect them to go, but because He is fighting to protect me, protect my heart. He would stop at nothing for me to truly be happy, for my heart to be 100% His…and this is what this season is really all about isn’t it?
Story Number 2- This is the dream that i had last night. I was in this ocean, the waters were deep blue but clear enough to see within them. I was on the back, assuming it was God was leading me on the front but we were going backwards. Its like He was pushing me forwards in the water. We were close enough that my feet were immersed in the water. The first animal i saw was a dolphin, it swam right beside us bringing my heart so much joy (I LOVE dolphins), I was like “Look, its a dolphin”! We continued on, this time i saw sand dollars floating around the water “Sand dollars!! will they hurt me? I asked, i felt this reassurance that they wouldn’t. Right after, a MASSIVE Stingray swam right up front of me…My feet literally ran down His back and of course like anyone would…i was freaking out and said while quivering “it’s a stingray” asking for Help, we need to get out of this water!! The stingray didn’t even hurt me, it just kept going and doing its thing.
The second part of the dream, I saw this woman on a horse riding bareback completely free just moving in every motion that the horse moved. I said “I want to do that” so I hopped on the back of a horse and went into the open field, i started trying to be free and move in sync with the horse but it was messy and didn’t go quite right. I realized then i was trying to control the horse and wanted it to move the way i wanted it to, and not the way the horse wanted to move.
Its funny to me how we can trust God when we see things that we like happen (the dolphins), and how we can second guess when we are unsure of our surroundings or whats happening (the sand dollars), and how terrified we are of what “could” happen(the stingray). When we see freedom up front of us (the woman on the horse) and we can embrace it but then we try to control it (the horse-being Gods plan) then we don’t get the fullness of what God has.
I love these dreams because it is a beautiful representation of what God wants with us in our relationship with Him.
He wants to be the one in front, pushing us to new places in the oceans of His love, where we are free and trust Him no matter what comes our way.
He wants us to move in sync with Him in open fields with no idea of where we are going but full faith that He will take us to where He wants us to go.
He wants us to know, that we are His children and He would do anything to protect us!
At the same time, we all have choices. We can either choose Gods plan for our life, which is unsure and takes us trusting him, surrendering our control and not expecting things to be the way we think they should be. OR…We could choose our own path.
God gave me this revelation on the way to Atlanta. Ill close with this..lol. Ahead i was faced with all this traffic, that would have taken several hours to get through. Suddenly, my GPS gave me a different route it said to take this exit…so i did. As i am driving, i saw the long line of cars just sitting there and the only thing that separated me from them was this beautiful body of water and this random road. I was thinking about how i could literally be in that same situation…both of the roads lead to the same destination but one route is full of frustration, anger, impatience and for some, words that you wouldn’t want ya momma hearing. The other route is filled with peace, thankfulness and joy. I don’t know about you but i want that route! But it wasn’t me that led myself there, it was God who led me to the route and God who gave me the choice to take it. BY THE WAY…The Road that i took was called “NEW HOPE RD” ironic? i think not.
The choice is always ours. To choose God, to choose His plan, to choose healing, to choose trusting. The only way that we can truly be who we are, is to allow God to have our heart 100% without holding back any part of it or trying to give it to something or someone who doesn’t deserve it. Easier said then done, but is a daily choice that we make in our hearts each day to allow God to be our number one.
This is my prayer to God, if you feel led to pray it as well feel free.
Father, i praise you and thank you for your love and passion to pursue me even when i am not pursuing you. God i ask that you continue to complete me, to fill the broken places that have caused me pain. My heart is yours God, i want you more than anything else on earth. I want your plan, i want your heart, i want you. Have your way God, show me how to trust you more and believe that you have nothing but the best for me. I let go of all my expectations, i give you my desires, i let go of my fears and all of my worries! My life is not my own God, it is yours. I want to walk in your will and for others to encounter you along the way. I lift up all those reading this blog and ask them to be filled with all of your love, for them to see you moving in their life and for them to go deeper with you in a way they never have before. Open their eyes up to a new way of worship, a way that is completely surrendered and open to seeing you in ways that speak directly and intimately to their heart. Take us deeper into the oceans of your love God, where our hearts are completely yours and you are completely ours. Thank you for being God, for being faithful and for protecting us, for wanting us to be happy. I love you!
