Since training camp, I have come to the realization that I have a lot of deep-rooted issues from years of past hurt that I haven’t dealt with. During World Race training camp, I was freed from some of these issues, but I do not believe I have truly grieved many of these pains.
A couple of nights ago we had a prayer night and I felt like something big was going to happen. I knew that I had to face these things head on. I’ve dodged this conversation with God for a while now, not knowing how to initiate it. I have never GIVEN all my issues to God, like “here is my crap, take it away.”
After praying over all of the things I want to move on from, God gave me a clear picture of how I can actually do just that.
I could see myself holding all of my pains and mistakes. It was in a pile so high that I couldn’t see what was in front of me. I couldn’t see where I was going and it was scary. Both hands were occupied, carrying the weight of all my past hurts. Sure I’ve asked God to come around when I get overwhelmed from all of these things. I ask him to comfort me and help me see where it is he is taking me. He can only guide me so much when I allow this pile of junk to consume me. He can help push me in the right direction, but I still would be scared about what I might run into while these things keep me from seeing.
I am not allowing him to do what he is so good at doing.
He can’t lead me to my full potential while I am allowing myself to be weighted down by the things I am holding on to.
The beautiful thing is God isn’t looking to just comfort me when I am hurting. His arms are wide open for me to cast these things to him. It brings him great joy to take away everything that is making his daughter hurt. Once I’ve made the decision to toss it all to him, he is capable of both carrying it all and grabbing my hand that is now freshly freed up. He can now guide me wherever it is he wants to take me next. My hand fits perfectly in His and I feel safe.
Now I have a decision to make.
I can either keep my eyes open just to make sure he won’t have me run into anything or I can close my eyes and allow him to lead me in complete trust and surrender. Before I had no capability to see where I was going, and now I let go of control knowing my Father will be guiding me exactly where he knows I should be.
I’m choosing to let go of everything and stop living in pains from my past and fear of the future. My Almighty Father can take it all from me so I can glorify him from a place of freedom.
Following this realization, I have decided to take a moment every morning during my time with God to acknowledge what He has taught me. Clasping both hands together, I pray and ask God what it is I am holding onto. Then, as I am repenting and throwing every lie and hurt to God, I hold my hands with palms up to show God that I am giving it all to him. To finish, I hold my own hand as a reminder that God is looking for me to walk with him each day. It is my desire to be led by him in the way that he has intended, with me letting go of control.
