first of all…i had no idea so many people were reading my blog…thank you!! it is so cool that people are willing to read what i have to write and trust me, i do not take it lightly that you would take the time to read this.
second, i am going through testing and i am trying my best to consider it a blessing. i woke up on thursday morning with the sun shining in on my face and i thanked the Lord for the beautiful day He had made and that He is willing to allow me to experience His spendor. then i asked the Lord to test me that day…i told Him i wanted to grow as an individual and learn something about life. (quick side note: for those of you who have never prayed this prayer, be careful if you ever do, i have found this is one prayer God likes to answer and usually pretty quickly). boy oh boy did He answer. i was humbled and i needed to be. it was a rough day at work and i’m not going to go into all the details, but i learned the importance of treating others respectfully. i thought i knew this lesson – i’m starting to question how much i actually know which i think is a good thing. i’m in the process of trying to right this wrong and i am thankful this was a lesson i was able to learn.
i also had the fundraiser that i’m pretty sure i mentioned in a previous blog. i teamed up with another “world racer” Phil Khamoua, and he was kind enough to allow me to tag along with his fundraiser. i was able to see my mom and dad (huge blessing!), my foster mom and foster brother (Lisa and Nick Larson – for those of you who don’t know i work with Lisa’s son, Matt, who has cerebral palsy, and have worked with him for about five years now, where i kind of forced myself into their family 🙂 – you can check out the Larson boys in my pics section), my former college roommate Norine Quick and her finace, Dave Lindberg, two of my mom’s close friends – Susan Lien and Chris Monroe, and a close church friend, Jeff Hokanson. i want to thank all of you who came to support me. it was really a blessing to have you all there and to have your emotional, spiritual, and financial support. i was also able to raise about $725!! and learn some good tips about how to put on a fundraiser!!
however, on the way home, i was hit with a spiritual attack. i felt such loneliness and a big empty ache in my heart. i was thinking thoughts that didn’t seem to come from me, telling me that i would never raise enough money, that i was not good enough, that i did not deserve go have love and support of any kind from anybody…the list goes on, but i’ll stop there. i tried to pray but had a hard time getting the words out. i tried to praise God through Christian music, but couldn’t even concentrate on the radio. i told myself that it was spiritual attack and not to dwell on it. i prayed when i got home and then went to bed. i felt better in the morning but still felt some sort of spiritual attack. i was able to talk this through with some of my friends and they agreed that when they start “doing the right things” they notice that they start to get attacked in their lives as well. i think part of it is that i’m “doing the right things” but part of it is that there are still sin issues that i am trying to work through and get right with God and i want Him to continue to show me those areas so that my sin is not a barrier in our relationship. i felt comfort when i went to church at The Edge on sunday morning. Pastor Marty has a loving but convicting style and he played a large part in me seeking missions in the first place. i don’t even remember how exactly he worded it that morning, but it was along the lines that when things start to get difficult it is not the time to give up. i felt peace and comfort and i felt like i was starting to get on the right track. i don’t expect this whole trip and the whole process to be a piece of cake, in fact i expect it to be pretty difficult (you can read my blog entry http://addieweaver.theworldrace.org/?filename=expect-whaaa in which i outline some of my expectations for this trip) and i consider it a blessing that the Lord is willing to test me and prepare me
well, until next time…
