Before I came on the race, I thought about writing a blog to post in case something bad happened to me while traveling. I was going to leave it with a friend back in America with my username and password to my blog. It was going to be my last goodbye, my last thank you, my last encouragement. It was going to say that it was all worth it. That every pain, every hardship, every bout with malaria and even the thing that ultimately took my life was worth it. That Christ was/is enough for you even when it gets hard, especially when it gets hard. I was going to say that I found true happiness and joy in laying things down and picking up my cross daily. I was going to challenge each and every one of you reading this to give your life to taking the Gospel into the nations where people have never heard the name of Jesus before. I was going to tell you that listening to the Still Small Voice of the Lord is hard and scary at first but it gets easier, so why not start today? I was going to say that in good times and bad times God is still worthy of your trust. I was going to tell you to laugh more, to enjoy time with your family and friends, because you’ll miss them more than you think you will. In my final letter to you I was going to tell you to stop taking yourself so seriously. You’re not the center of the world; you’re just not. It was going to be an encouragement for you to make some great memories. Travel. Kiss your wife/husband more, if you’re not married, get married and then kiss your wife/husband more. Forgive the people in your life that you need to forgive. Find what you’re passionate about and DO THAT. Invest in the next generation, you’ll be surprised at the impact you can have. And more than anything I was going to say that Jesus loves you, He really does. He is worth it all.
If I died, I was going to say all of these things to you. And if I died, you would listen to me.
As I sit here on the southern tip of India, I can’t help but wonder why I thought that I would have to die before I could share my heart. Why I thought I had to obtain the title of a martyr before you would listen or care.
I realize now that what I thought was a lie. But I still wonder if you will really listen. Will you find joy in abandonment? Will you listen to His Still Small Voice? Will you laugh more? Will you lay down your pride? Will you find your passion? Will you invest in the future generations? Will you embrace the radical, furious, passionate love of the Father? Or will you continue do life as normal? …It’s your choice, it always has been. What will you do?
