I am an unlikely missionary. If someone were to tell me that in the next year I’m going on a mission trip to eleven different countries in eleven months, I would have thought they were crazy. A mission trip was the last thing on my mind after graduating from college. I mean, I love Jesus and God with my heart but traveling to somewhere foreign to spread the Gospel to people I don’t know and give my time to make an impact on their lives was not what I had on my agenda. I was determined to go to graduate school, earn a living, get married, settle down, and just serve the Church. Whatever deviated from my road map, I dismissed it and didn’t look back. I had my corner of the world as perfect as I wanted it to be. I was getting plugged in with community at my local Church, sharing with my co-workers about my faith and seeing some openness to having spiritual conversations, building deeper relationships with friends in my fellowship, and investing the needed time into my education to pursue graduate studies. None of this was bad nor am I claiming it to be. What I realized is I didn’t let God have much of a say in my life and essentially, I was telling myself I was living a ‘Christian’ lifestyle. Which I was, but I wasn’t living a life dependent on the Living God. Nonetheless, I gave him the glory when I made decisions and acted upon them. Yet, this didn’t draw me closer to God. I was overly concerned I wasn’t making the best efforts to steward my education, time, and resources, so I focused overwhelmingly on making sure I was stewarding my blessings appropriately. So much, I got tied down and passively neglected to consider what He might be leading me to do instead. I needed to have an intervention. So instead of placing myself under the impression this is how things should be because that’s how I see it, I listened to what God had to say. How did this happen? I will share the most pivotal experience that launched me into my walking and trusting my life obediently to the Lord.
If you read my support letter or my about me/bio section, I mention The World Race was on my mind for some time before this experience. Every year, Cru invites college students to a conference that inspires them to live for the Lord and invest in the things that count for eternity. While attending CRU’s winter conference this past year, one of the things that impacted me was the theme of the conference. The theme of this conference was “move.” What that meant was we live in a constant world of motion. Every day we can be or cannot be the same person as yesterday. We can meet new people, new challenges, and new adventures. I myself am a new person yet I’m pulled in so many directions. Since the only constant is change, I long for something solid. I need something solid. That solidarity is God, the Prime mover, who’s song blew the universe into motion and the One who jumped in for the ride. It is in Him I move and have my being. Yes, I want to move. God is moving among us. He is at work, in the world, in history, in our hearts. He is living and active. When He moves, nothing is the same. The question my discussion group asked us is “What moves you? What stirs your soul? What lights a fire? What moves you to a new insight, a new conviction, a new adventure.” I want to move towards God. I want to move with Christ. The conference theme left me also saying “Let’s move to a timeless tune that moves my heart and moves my feet . . . to see something I’ve never seen, to say something I’ve never said, to do something I’ve never done . . .” On the final night of the conference, I signed a commitment card. These were the words I put my allegiance to, “Lord Jesus, I surrender to you and in the power of your spirit, I will go where you want to go, do what you want me to do, say what you want me to say, and give what you want me to give.”
I hung up that commitment card on my room for the remainder of the academic year until I had to move out. I began having more intensive and serious thinking and praying sessions in regards to next year’s possible outlook and thereafter. I started having conversations and sharing with those close what’s happening. I had a list of organizations that were on my heart and some where I felt strongly to be part of when I signed the commitment card. Yet I also felt the Lord was drawing me more towards missions. Why was I feeling that stronger than ever? I don’t know. I just knew I wanted to carry out my pledge. So what I did was usual of me. I didn’t want to neither act on a whim nor make a decision impulsively, but I didn’t want to be passive and eventually let this be an afterthought and continue living my life mindlessly. I knew something was pressing on my heart. I felt overwhelmed. I wanted to really seek out where the Lord wanted me to go. If you know me, I’m very critical and skeptical about making serious and life decisions. I inspect every aspect and detail of my decisions, pros and cons, benefits and cost. I scrutinize what is before me, to examine until there’s not a nook or cranny that’s been hidden from my understanding. In essence, I’m reducing it so I can fully understand what I’m getting myself into. I don’t want to invest in something that isn’t me. After having my conversations with people, representatives, and alumni in the World Race, I felt certain that the World Race was where I’ll be and that I needed to trust the Lord He was in this. I decided to give it some more time. I wasn’t completely sold the World Race was His calling. I thought I just bought into a confirmation bias and needed to consider what else He might be saying. The most important thing He taught me from that experience was to seek what He might be leading me to do and consider it. So every day I would glance at the card and think a little more about my decision. Some days, I did not take much note of it. Eventually, I almost stopped altogether making my decision. But God didn’t stop there and left me forgetting it. He made it clear to me in three different encounters that I should be going.
