I was asked by a girl at work today, if I'm gay. It threw me for a second because I haven't been asked in a while. But God used it for good and I got to share a little bit of my story with her. I was discussing this with someone that is going with me on The World Race and I realized something that really bothers me. Its not telling people that I use to be gay that's hard, it's the fact that I still carry some mannerisms that are a bit more feminine, that make people ask if I'm gay. I've come a LONG way. It's just discouraging when someone points them out. The fact that I use to be gay isn't a touchy subject at all. It's part of my story and I tell people freely. The thing that's so hard for me to hear is that I still act gay. I've tried really hard to break old habits and act more "manly". I'm super sensitive about it and that's why its so hard for me to get close to guys. Sometimes I just feel like a fish out of water because I don't play sports or hunt or have as deep of a voice as the guys I'm around. God has done a lot to grow and heal me in this area but I still have plenty of room for growth and healing. I act way more butch than I did 3+ years ago walking away from homosexuality but there are still some visible signs that I use to be one of 'them'. Pray with me that God would stretch and heal over the next year that I'm on the mission field. I'll have one other guy on my team, the rest of my teammates will be girls. Pray that God would put me with a guy that can be sensitive to the issue but also challenge me in my masculinity and in my walk with Christ.
