4:13 AM: i go into the girls room and find that two of the girls have explosive diarrhea…awesome
she turns around using the ever-so-famous 9 point turn we start loading
the van
5:45 AM: anna realizes that she stole a lid and plate from micah (sorry micah)
6:00 AM: our bus fails to show up and we realize that it must’ve been
day light savings time or something…because all the clocks are an
hour behind
6:10 AM: we take off and the first cigarette is lit in the bus
6:11 AM: we are yelled at in some foreign language that we need to sit
two in each row…but we are the only passengers in the bus
6:15 AM: i fall asleep
8:13 AM: we pull over on the side of the road
8:13:15 AM: a few of the bus workers jump off the bus and start loading boxes of shoes onto the bus
8:14 AM: we quickly realize that the boxes of shoes are all being stacked under our chairs
8:27 AM: we stop at a bus stop. we pick up the montenegro national smoking team
8:27:53 AM: i get off the bus to use the bathroom and find that it’s a squatty potty.
8:28 AM: i realize that the last 4 guys that have used the squatty potty before me have poor aim
8:28:05 AM: i decide i don’t have to pee that bad
8:30 AM: i get back on the bus and am overwhelmed by a cloud of cigarette smoke from the MNST (montenegro national smoking team)
8:36 AM: rebecca now looks like michael jackson. she is wearing a red
bandanna over her nose/mouth and has black sunglasses on to protect her
from the plume of smoke that has overcome the bus
8:42 AM: i fall asleep
seats and secretly stack them under blankets in the back of the bus
11:13 AM: we stop at a bus stop and the shoes are offloaded. yeah, we have no idea either
11:37 AM: we stop at another bus stop and change out bus drivers…our
driver is no longer purple shirt guy, its brown argyle sweater guy
12:15 PM: lunch time. i make a PB&J with no utensils while
carefully balancing it on my lap the whole time…quite the skill
considering brown argyle sweater guy’s driving ability…or lack there
of
12:17 PM: i put my sandwich together successfully and smile
12:17:20 PM: my sandwich falls off my leg and rolls down the walkway and i frown
12:17:25 PM: i am able to rescue my sandwich within the five second rule and eat it
12:36 PM: we stop at a bus station and several of the MNST start
running around. they begin loading unknown items which are stashed all
around the americans…yeah, sketch
12:42 PM: i begin to drift asleep but am awoken by a cat meowing
12:42:08 PM: perplexed, i begin looking around for the cat
fake and that it’s coming from purple shirt/blue argyle sweater vest guy
12:47 PM: i confirm that the cat call is coming from purple shirt/blue argyle sweater vest guy after he lets out a gentle meow
our barista, offers us nescafe…for the 7th time…i suspect that it’s
a bribe so that we won’t tell customs about the sketchy stuff goin’
down in the bus
for having my foot up on the seat…i should’ve known that the red no
smoking signs really meant “no feet on the seat”
one of the guys, whom i will call “big guy” looks exactly like the “gas
guy” from dumb and dumber
6:00:15 PM: i am kicked out of my seat so that big guy has a seat and i cuddle up with patch
6:00:20 PM: big guy lights up his first cigarette which will remain a constant until he falls asleep several hours later
6:00:25 PM: big guy starts passing out cigarettes like they’re candy to
his friends on the bus…we are now having an ol’ fashioned smoke-fest
6:01 PM: i decide to ask the bus manager why we have to sit in pairs
and no one else does. as i should have known, the language barrier
presents a slight problem and patch and i go back to cuddling
8:09:45 PM: we enter the serbia/bulgaria border checkpoint
8:10 PM: i have to ask holland to take her red bandanna and aviator
shades off so we can get through the checkpoint without getting shot
8:25 PM: we make it through customs
8:34 PM: rebecca, still wearing her mask and shades, gets into a
standoff with an elderly woman over whether or not the overhead vent
will be shut. the woman is smoking her 42nd cigarette and loses to our
MJ look-a-like, the vent stays open
8:39 PM: i fall asleep
9:01 PM: i am awoken by big guy snoring loud enough to wake up an entire bus…literally
10:30 PM: we stop at a gas station for a bathroom break. i ask adam if
it was just my imagination or if the big guy was snoring. adam kindly
reminds me of how i kept the entire mens room up three nights ago with
my snoring…and tells me that he didn’t want to hear my complaining
11:00 PM: the bus leaves the gas station suddenly
11:02 PM: bread falls out of the overhead storage compartment. i take
it as a clear sign that i should fashion a piece of bread into a gas
mask…but i hold out
11:30 PM: big guy falls over in his sleep and head butts the window.
holland starts laughing uncontrollably. i have no idea how big guy’s
head didn’t go through the window
11:32 PM: big guy starts to lean over into the walkway while sleeping. he nearly falls into robin’s lap on several occasions
11:32:29 PM: jen shines her headlamp onto big guy in an attempt to keep
him from falling over into the walkway and/or robin’s lap. its
successful…big guy leans back into his chair
11:40 PM: we go off-roading in the bus.
11:40:15 PM: we stop in front of a shady shop that sells stuffed
animals, barbies, liquor, pastries and cologne so that the guys can
offload the second load of smuggled goods
11:48 PM: we leave the SS (shady shop)
12:55 AM: big guy exhales and spits saliva all over as if he is a whale
1:20 AM: we make it to the bulgaria/turkey border checkpoint and park in front of the burger king sign
1:24 AM: the bus manager stares at beks’ foot, which is on the arm rest, until she moves it
1:30 AM: brown argyle sweater driver guy decides he’s tempted the
americans long enough and leaves the burger king sign and drives to
passport control
2:00 AM: we make it through customs with only one bag being searched, sorry anna
2:10 AM: we drift off to sleep again
2:13 AM: purple shirt/blue argyle sweater guy meows while walking down the isle
2:13:02 AM: jen barks hoping to scare the cat into silence
3:19 AM: i’m jarred awake by brown argyle sweater guy jamming on the
brakes, i think it’s because he knew we were all finally asleep
4:10 AM: the lights on the bus come on waking us up
4:10:30 AM: the bus manager tells me that we are in istanbul as the bus stops on the side of the road
4:11 AM: we decide that the side of the road is better then wherever else the bus may take us
4:15 AM: we get off the bus and hear a loud muslim prayer being played over a loud speaker
the street from a mosque which is playing said loud prayer over a loud
speaker. we begin to pray and look up to see a street pole that says
“TRUST” in plain english on it…coincidence? i think not. pretty
amazing.
12:24 PM: after a long day of walking, talking and trying to find a
place to sleep we are sitting in the lobby of a hostel that our
logistics people found. it’s super cheap and it’ll get the job done!
god is great!
here’s a picture of a few of us on the bus…one might assume that the picture is blurry but it’s just that smoky!!!
