update: I’m going.
11 countries. 11 months. Octover 2019-September 2020, God’s got me.
(Even with the 20 thousand)
I keep hearing the word surrender. I keep seeing God do this wild thing where I wonder just a little bit, and He takes that thought and turns my entire life upside down at the glimmer of a dream I had. I am learning that having my hands open to God means that He’s going to take it all, mold it, and use it.
Remember when you were little and you would mess around with play-doh, trying to make something beautiful? And if you were like me and the tons of little kids I hang out with, you would try to mix all the colors together, or attempt to make a snake and wind it all up, or just anything. But perhaps you would look at it when you finished and be frustrated that it was not how you hoped it would turn out. It was not the product you thought it would be. But oh, if you had an encouraging and inspirational teacher or someone older who was watching over you, they would come over and praise your little blob of color. And in that moment you would believe in your abilities; your creation was incredible, your unicorn that looked like an elephant was perfect. I think about this and I think about how God looks at me, and I’m amazed.
I do not mean that God looks at us and sarcastically says “Oh wow, that’s great” when it’s not. No no no. Instead, I mean that when he looks at our lives, he takes us, molds us, shapes us, and creates us into something beautiful. Perhaps we have times where we’re stubborn, not wanting to be exactly like He desires. Maybe it doesn’t turn out how we expected it to. But oh, the most awesome creator steps back and looks at us and says, you are good.
The most high God knows me. He knows my every thought, captures my mind when I cannot take a hold of it myself, and sees my dreams. My insecurities, my fears. The thoughts that creep into my mind that maybe this dream, this distant hope is just too lofty. He hears me panic beneath the layers of excitement, confidence, and being present for others and says that He is there. I go to a school where community is of utmost priority, cheesy as it may seem in the Christianese world. I look around and am grateful and honored to be part of people who are gracious and uplifting to one another. Much of the world does not work like this. It’s not normal to have that opportunity. It’s a privilege to be part of this love.
I don’t have a clear resolution or conclusion here; I’m not seeking for response or praise. No, I simply want to pursue and encourage us to live into an acceptance of the life that we now live and the person that God has created us to be. It might not look like you thought it would this year. Some relationships might be more distant than others, new friends might have sprouted from unexpected places. But He has you there. Listen to the little callings. The little affirmations He gives us.
A good friend extravagantly expressed her support of God’s dreams for me recently. That’s part of the real reason I’m sharing this. Because we have the ability and chance to see into the lives of others, to say we see something within them, and because of such love they are more wholly who God created them to be. You never know how far your words and actions might go. The little nudges of the Holy Spirit could absolutely shake someone.
much love, much appreciation,
abi
ps- here’s to hoping and praying for support!
