Recently, someone said to me that they were nervous, afraid, and scared for me to go out and into the world because to be completely blunt and honest how could they trust that I would be okay when both them and me have “never been there before?” I’ve wondered that a lot lately, too. It’s been on my heart and mind for days.
Just to give a brief update on my life if you haven’t been keeping up lately, I’m going on something called The World Race. It’s through a missions organization called Adventures in Missions, aka ADV or Adventures! They’re lovely. Click on this to learn more about what missions through this organization looks like! I’ve done extensive research on both this and other missions boards. Yes, there are flaws in every mission group, there are flaws in every work that Christ-followers are doing throughout the world. There is also still a calling to keep pressing toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. These imperfections, disagreements, and discouragements, do not give me the right to NOT pursue what God has called me into.
Perhaps you’re wondering why and how I got to here. If you want a big-picture story, go back to my last blog post “the world awaits” where I tell my story. But in short, when I was about 12, I can distinctly remember God calling me, and pressing on my heart that I loved the world. A love for the nations began to grow within me, and a passion to learn more about other cultures, ethnicities, people groups, and to be part of redemption and reconciliation in that realm of humanity was settled on my heart.
Of course, like any young girl, I’ve wavered. I’ve chased other passions and have seen God ignite my life in a way I never thought he would. I love and adore camp, and a dream of mine would be to see camp ministry done well on an international platform. If anyone knows anyone doing this, please connect me with them! That just seems so dreamy. But there are still challenges in my daily.
Currently, I’m at a coffee shop with some friends, not wanting to study, write papers, and work on school. Instead, I’m extremely reflective and at times feeling the doubt settle into me. It’s 2019 and many big things are upcoming this year. For example, I graduate from college, I’m working at a camp I love dearly for the summer, and then I launch into the World Race in October! With that comes fundraising and praying for support to be able to go into what God has called me to. That’s terrifying.
I’ve spent hours making spreadsheets, lists, and doing research. There is an extensive amount of information packed into my brain and thrown up onto my notes. And no matter how much I do, how much research and thinking I do about it, I cannot and will not be able to do this alone. There is absolutely no way I can raise 22 thousand dollars by myself.
There is no way I can know everything about the 11 countries I will be going to in the next year and a half. There is no way I can know for sure what God is going to do in my life in the next year. Yeesh, there’s no way I can know for sure what God is going to do this week! If there’s anything I have learned from this HECTIC beginning to 2019, it is that despite the insecurity of my own ability to understand and know what God is going to do, I can still trust and abide in his words.
The Lord shall be thy confidence.
What time I am afraid I will trust in thee.
The Lord is with me wherever I go.
You are everything I need.
Trust in the Lord will all thine heart, and HE shall direct thy paths.
There is nothing new under the sun.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
to them who are the called according to his purpose.
If God be for us, who can be against us.
My God shall supply all your need.
These little phrases, the ones that give texture to our lives, ingrained into the fabric of my personal upbringing in a Christian home, are the ones I run back to. Even when I’m bad at reading my Bible (so bad that I left it at home over Christmas break by accident), and I’m unsure of how God is speaking to me, they still continue to echo loudly within my life. There is nothing I can do without Jesus. There is nothing I want to do without him.
Okay, you’re right, I’ve never been there before. I’m on this whole frightening, unknown, abyss of an adventure where I am in need of fundraising more money that I’ve ever tangibly known, and into parts of the world and to people groups and friendships with people that I will not be meeting for months. There are LARGE gaps in my knowledge right now. Huge question marks, and places where the Lord is just leaving empty on the pages of my life. And he looks at me and simply asks me to trust him. And while I beg for more information, and try to explain to those around me that I only have what He has revealed to me, there will be doubt. Fear will settle in at times. But I have a God who is greater than the world. And is within me. A God who has me in the palm of His hand and has known me from before I was even formed. I have a relationship with the one who made the most beautiful places in the UNIVERSE and still calls me more beautiful and known.
And so can you. I hope with all my heart that you’ve been able to experience Jesus in this same way. If not, please dm me or text me immediately because this is such an amazing place to be and incredible God to know. Otherwise, my prayer in these difficult moments is for people to join me. To be part of my journey. Whether that means simply clicking through my blog and praying for specifics of my adventure, or being someone who can financially support me through buying a t-shirt (check my insta!) or a greater donation, I am grateful for this family. 22 thousand is a wild amount, and I believe God is going to provide. My hope is that you can help me get to that amount, if you are able! Any little bit counts, even a few dollars is incredible 🙂
To those who are on my team, who are already praying for and part of this, I’m launching into a greater season every day. More and more work comes up with fundraising, gathering of supplies, working through my own personal things to be ready for the World Race. I’m in the process of sending letters, planning dinner parties, and spreading the word to people who might be interested in supporting me. I’m honored to be part of the network and communities I’m in, and grateful for the ways people have already expressed support. I’m in dire need of prayer, of commitment, and if you can, your personal help. Please please reach out if you’re interested, we were not meant to be alone, and in these moments of my life, I’m not going to live that way.
Perhaps you’re wondering and wanting for more specific details of what I’ll be doing while I’m in different parts of the world? It’s a wide array, and if you click here you can learn which countries I’ll be going to and the possible work myself and the team will be participating in! Basically, God is continuing to reveal peace to me, and all the more I have been able to be vulnerable with all of you. Thanks for reading through this, for being with me, and for caring about me. Grace and peace be with you this Sunday.
love always,
abi
