attraversiamo.
I first heard this word in the movie Eat Pray Love back in 2013. The movie is about a woman who after a painful divorce decides to travel around the world on a journey to “find herself”. While in Italy she begins to take lessons to better learn the language. She is introduced to the word “attraversiamo” and favors it because of the way it sounds. She loves the combination of the sounds and the way in rolls off her tongue. Me? I like it for it’s meaning.
attraversiamo means “let’s cross over”.
The word is used in the Italian language basically in the sense of “let’s cross over the street” or “let’s cross over this bridge”. To me it means so much more.
God brought this word back to my attention a few days ago when looking for an idea for a tattoo I have been planning for quite some time now. I looked up the word because I was unaware of what it meant, I just remembered hearing it in the movie. I found two short paragraphs written by someone who explained briefly how they felt the word was significant in meaning between two loved ones saying “let’s cross over this obstacle together”. In the midst of reading this I heard God say “attraversiamo”. God was telling me “Abigale, let’s cross over this grief and this hurt together. You don’t have to do it alone. I’m here. Let’s cross over.”
After losing Vivian my instinct reaction was to find a way to be okay as quickly as possible. I do not like negative emotions and processing. When something bad or upsetting happens I don’t allow myself time to deal with it, I cut straight to “being okay”. This time that looked like me telling my Facebook friends, classmates, parents, and everyone who reads my blogs that “God has a plan through all of this, it’s for my betterment, and everything is working for his glory.” Now don’t get me wrong all of those things are true and I believe them with all of my heart, but it was a band aid. I put that band aid over an open wound and the wound got bigger and bigger and the band aid did not heal my wound.
God used a friend to help reveal to me how ineffective my band aid had been, I then realized that what was once just a cut had become an infected, painful, large gash. I am angry at God. Boy, let me tell you I am angry. I just do not understand why there are so many bad people on this earth, but God took Vivian and Aunt Rhonda.
Vivian was one of my best friends. She was one of the most important people in my life. I have always struggled with self image and had labeled myself worthless and unloved a majority of my life. In that struggle there have been very few people to speak life over me and I actually believe them.. Vivian was one of them. Vivian was one of my biggest supporters and biggest fan. So does God not want those things for me? Does he not want me to feel loved or to have that security?
My Aunt Rhonda has always seen something in me that at times I haven’t even been able to see in myself. She has always said “that girl is going to do something”, “she’s going places”, “God has a plan for her life”, “she’s got big things in her future”. If there has ever been anyone who has wanted “more” for me or to do “more” for me, it was her. So, I’m sorry but I just don’t understand why God would take them from me. I look at their lives and their significance and importance and wonder further why God would allow two AMAZING people to go when there are murders, rapists, thieves, etc. still here.
So, here I am. Completely and utterly broken. Confused and angry. Hurting. Then God says to me, “attraversiamo”. Let’s cross over. I’ve been trying to do it alone. A friend of mine was recently at a conference and at this conference the speaker tells her that no one can heal our hearts except the one who created them. I can’t heal my heart. The things I do to try to fill the void won’t heal my heart. My friends can’t heal my heart. But God, the creator, he can. He wants to. But he can’t heal what I don’t allow him to. So here I am God, no longer holding on to my pain and my grief. I give it to you. Attraversiamo God, let’s cross over.
This isn’t the first, nor will it be the last time God says to me “attraversiamo”.
I believe God has and is also saying;
Let’s cross over boarders.
Let’s cross over language barriers.
Let’s cross over fear.
Let’s cross over self doubt.
Let’s cross over anxiety.
Let’s cross over judgement.
Let’s cross over stereotypes.
The list could go on and on.
I challenge you to find what it is God wants to help you cross over in your life. This is where I am at in my life. As I prepare to leave for training camp, I know he has huge things in store for me. Things that will push me, mold me, and challenge me. It will be hard and painful, but I know that it is all part of The Potter’s mending process. I ask that you pray for me as I take on this challenge because it will not be easy. I will be praying for y’all as well, that God will reveal what he wants to cross over with you. Remember, God is always right there saying “attraversiamo”, you don’t ever have to do it alone.
