I have always struggled with my identity and self image. Thriving with confidence in being the Abigail God created me to be is something I have to work for daily.
I’m constantly wondering what others think of me and forever worrying I’m not good enough. I believe lies that bring shame telling me I’m inadequate, weak, and a failure. But I am empowered to exchange these lies I’ve been told for the never ending truths from heaven specifically for me. Every time I am met with a lie, I am invited to meet with the Lord and exchange my thoughts for His thoughts.
On our very first night at launch, my squad mentor, Kate, gave me an approach in how to find your identity as the Lord sees you. It’s really simple actually-just ask Him. Every morning, as soon as you wake up, enter His throne room and sit in His presence. Ask him, “Lord, what do you think of me? Who do you think I am?” This is called listening prayer-asking the Lord a question and sitting in silence, allowing Him to speak into you.
So the next morning I tried the listening prayer approach. I asked, “Lord, what do you think of me?” Before finishing my question, the word Radiant immediately popped into my mind.
You are Radiant.
I looked up the definition:
sending out light; shining or glowing brightly.
Later that evening, Kate approached me and shared with me Psalm 34. This scripture spoke beautifully to me, but verse 5 blew me away.
“Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:5
This was a sign of confirmation on what the Lord had spoken over me earlier that morning. I was speechless. The God of all the universe thinks I’m Radiant and He chose to personally tell me… two times in one day actually.
Fast forward to exactly one week later. I was really struggling with team leading and those lies began to sneak back into my mind. My team did not get along. There was no unity and all we did was argue. I began to believe I was weak, inadequate and failing at this position I had been given. Two of my amazing squad mates saw me struggling and decided I needed some encouragement. So they sat me on their bed and began speaking life into me. The word Radiant came to both their minds at the same exact time without even discussing it with each other. Then another girl walked into the room and we asked her what word came to mind when she thought of me. With no hesitation, she immediately said Radiant. Tear stained cheeks, eyes wide and jaw dropped, again I was speechless.
Later that evening I was sitting in the lobby and a few girls on the squad walked in from dinner. They told me they could hardly recognize me. I looked so Radiant and beautiful, as if I was glowing.
Wow God, okay I hear you.
There has been so many instances of God confirming His truth over me this month. I’ve lost count. I began pondering the idea of getting the word tattooed on my arm for two reasons:
1. It would be a reminder to me every day that no matter what I feel or what I’m going through, The Lord thinks I’m Radiant. He personally told me so and confirmed it countless times. I am not a failure, I’m Radiant. I am not weak or inadequate, I’m Radiant.
2. My body is a temple of the Lord’s, bringing glory to Him. By having this word permanently on my body, it is a public testimony of His truth spoken into me for everyone to see.
My whole squad is in Bangkok this week for debrief and I knew a lot of people were getting tattoos there. I explained it to my parents and asked if it was okay with them. They loved the story and meaning behind the tattoo and thought it would be cool to get it in Bangkok (as long as I could find a clean and safe place). With their consent I began searching for fonts. I found a few I liked, but wasn’t completely sure.
Before going to sleep that night, I asked the Lord to make it evident to me exactly where he wanted the placement and font of this tattoo. It was that night I had a dream of my tattoo. I had a vision of the word Radiant in specific font on my left forearm. Confident of what I saw, I began looking for different fonts online. I looked through hundreds of pages of fonts all morning, but could not find the one I envisioned. I did find one font that I liked a lot. It wasn’t the same as the one I had dreamed about but I settled on it and planned to go to the tattoo shop that afternoon. But for some reason things kept happening that day and our trip to the tattoo shop kept being put off until it was too late. After getting so excited about the dream and finally finding a font I liked, I was disappointed.
That evening we did worship a little differently. Everyone was handed a blank piece of paper with colored pens, crayons, and paint brushes and told to worship through art. I was a slightly unsure about this because art is not my strong suit. Staring at the blank sheet of paper trying to figure out how I could be creative, I saw it. I had the same vision of looking down my left arm and seeing this specific font of the word Radiant. Immediately I grabbed a pen and it was as if the Lord took control of my hand. I was not writing, He was. Perfect and flawless handwriting that did not match my own was the word Radiant. Just like I had dreamed and exactly as I had envisioned.
As soon as our squad session was over, a group of girls came with me to the tattoo shop. It was a beautiful experience. The entire time I was getting the tattoo I heard the father repeat to me, “You are Radiant my child, truly Radiant.”
God of the entire universe thinks Abigail Mullis is Radiant and continues to confirm that to me daily in so many different ways. Every day, for the rest of my life, I can look down and see GOD’S HANDWRITING on my arm as a reminder that HE THINKS I’M RADIANT.
