For as long as I can remember, I have always hated saying goodbye. Thinking back to when I was younger we would have family over for different holidays and I would always want to hide when it was time for them to leave. Things have not changed and I still avoid goodbyes at all cost. In the event that I do have to say goodbye to someone, I make sure to know when we will see each other again. I think I do this as a coping mechanism for the pain and emptiness I feel when losing the presence of someone. So although I will miss them deeply, I know I’ll see them soon and can look forward to that.
Part of my experience on the race has been many goodbyes. Some of my hardest goodbyes happened before I even left. I had to say goodbye to my family knowing I wouldn’t be home for thanksgiving or christmas. I said goodbye to all my friends knowing they would be doing fun things and making many new memories I wouldn’t be a part of. Although I knew I would see them again in nine months, that didn’t help me cope with the empty feeling I had this time.
Throughout the race I have had the opportunity to make many new relationships. We’ve had some incredible hosts who have loved us so well.
Pheara was one of the shelter moms in Cambodia. We bonded instantly as she taught me how to cook the Khumer foods and banana bread for the children.
Blessing was our host in Malawi. His family took me along with twelve other girls into his home and hosted us for three months. He showed us the greatest love and hospitality I have ever experienced.
Jessica lived at the YWAM base in Guatemala City. We enjoyed picking on and annoying each other. She taught me quite a bit of Spanish and shared many traditional Guatemalan foods with me. I see her as the big sister I never had.
Saying goodbye to these people have been extremely hard for me, especially knowing I may never see them again. There was no “I’ll see you in _______,” but only goodbye.
I’ve also made some amazing, lifelong friends on my squad. I was told my squad would become family and it’s true.
These girls have seen me on my best and very worst days. We celebrate together and we grieve together. I’ve lived an insane life for the past eight months with them and in four short weeks we will be saying goodbye. I get queasy just thinking about leaving these girls in the airport and going to my gate alone. I may never see some of them again.
I HATE GOODBYES.
I’ve been wrestling with why the Lord keeps bringing such amazing people into my life just to take them out again. It doesn’t make sense to me and it hurts so much.
I was reading in Ecclesiastes this past week. In chapter three it talks about there being “a time for everything, and a season for every activity..” (3:1) So perhaps there is a time to be with specific people during specific seasons in our lives.
God is intentional in using circumstances and people in each season to shape us to become more like Christ and less like ourselves. Think about all the goodbyes Jesus had to go through. He left His throne and all in heaven to come to earth. He had to be separated from GOD, HIS FATHER when he took on our sin. And when He ascended back into heaven had to leave the face-to-face relationships He had with the community that was established during time on earth. All the goodbyes were completely necessary for God’s plan which is ultimately for the good.
I think God is continuously moving people in and out of our lives to teach us specific things. Yes goodbyes are hard, yes they are painful, but Papa is always bringing new people into our lives to shape us. I don’t want to miss out on that!
I still hate goodbyes and I still grieve them, but now I see them as necessary. If someone is not in my life currently, God has me in a different place with different people for a specific reason. I am choosing to trust Him with that. It is also encouraging to know there will come a time when we will all be in eternal fellowship and never have to worry about saying goodbye ever again. So yes, I will see all these amazing people again one day.
I look forward to that day.
