I always want to fix things myself, I always want to be in control, and I always want to know the outcome. It’s the human thing to do. I’m not sure why I’m surprised when the plans I make for myself don’t work out. Or worse, turn out completely opposite of what I wanted. But there I am, standing like a fool in the middle of the mess I created, wondering what went wrong. I myself am not completely to blame- everybody does this. One person after another accidentally hurts their own life and the lives of others. We don’t mean to do it; the chain reaction of selfish ambition has an effect on all of us. We fail to love God and each other before ourselves.
With plans derived from selfishness, whether we realize it or not, God loves us enough to keep setting our lives up in accordance with His plan. And His plans are much greater than the ones we have for ourselves. Sometimes this is so confusing because it can mean losing; losing things we thought were good, maybe things we liked. But God wouldn’t take something good out of our lives without the intent of replacing it with something so much better.
This past year, as a senior at a new high school, I’ve felt like my life is a big mess most of the time. I have struggled with being myself when everyone wants and expects me to be someone different. I have failed God way more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve tried to be in control of my life and fix the broken pieces by myself. I’ve struggled with my sense of self-worth and value because of how other people have treated me. I’ve been wishing away this difficult season of my life instead of asking God how he might plan to use and grow me in it.
Thank God His love is received, not achieved.
Thank God that even our mess He wants to turn into a message.
Because the truth is, He loves us when we hate ourselves. He chases us down with love when we run from Him. He really, truly, always does. It is only a matter of how willing we are to receive that love. To accept that we, who were made by God, will only find fulfillment in a life with Him. To accept that we, who were made to be loved by God, can never find anything to love us the way He does.
I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no reason to not give it all up to God; all control, all your hope, all your heart. Jesus died for the giant messes we find ourselves in. We call him Savior for a reason. I’ve learned that most of the time it’s not just a matter of giving up something once, because things seem to come crawling back. It’s letting go and giving it to Him over and over and over again. Every single day, every time that one bad thought comes to mind, give it to Him. Every time you find yourself drowning in self-pity, give it to Him. Every time you screw up when you promised yourself you wouldn’t, give it to him. He is longing to take it from you, and embrace you with his perfect love.
We are forgiven, we are loved radically, we are pure, we are beautiful. Let’s believe it. Let’s start living like it.
Much love,
Abigail
