I want you to imagine a coffin, but instead of the coffin being made of a material it is made out of lies that the enemy has rooted into your life: Shame, guilt, self doubt, self hate, unwantedness, unworthiness, being used, hated, being unappreciated, loneliness, being unqualified, being stupid and being unheard. These are all lies from the enemy and if we aren’t careful we can tend to focus so much on all these lies about ourselves that we bury ourselves in a coffin of lies that we built for ourselves. That’s what happened to me, I had buried myself in a coffin made of shame, self hate, unwantedness, loneliness and unworthiness, those lies about myself were so rooted into my life that it was slowly packing me into a coffin I had built for myself. I felt so broken, used, unwanted and unworthy and I didn’t think there was any coming back. I thought my family, friends and God were already so disappointed in me that there was no hope for me, I felt like a damaged flower that no one, not even God could ever love or care about. The enemy had rooted all those feelings so deeply in me that they became my truths, they became facts in my life and I let those lies control my life. Now this was past me, but it wasn’t distant past me, meaning up until about 3 weeks ago I was buried in that grave of lies. The biggest lie that the enemy told me was that I was alone in all those feelings, that no one else felt like I did, that everyone around me wouldn’t be able to relate to me and would judge/reject me.
How did I pull myself out of this grave? I didn’t, there is absolutely nothing that any of us can do to break down those lies without God, but here’s the good news, if we surrender those lies and feelings to God, absolutely nothing can hold you down in that grave anymore, because God is going to completely abolish the coffin you built around yourself and He will pull you out of the grave and into His amazing light.
Are you ready to hear how He pulled me out of my grave? It all began at the first session, the day after arriving at the world race. My squad mentor told her testimony and she didn’t hide the mistakes from her past, but instead she used them to show how God received her with grace and love. I was so taken aback, did I have a chance, could God receive me with grace and love too? Spoiler Alert, YES He can and will. Anyways, back to the story, a few days later we had a session over surrendering our all to God and that is when I truly decided to give my all to God and let Him take over my life, because nothing else was fulfilling the emptiness in me. I prayed, “God, I cannot fight for myself anymore, I’m broken and tired, I need you to fix me, I surrender my past, my guilt and doubt, do your thing, I’m done.” The next day was the first time I admitted to my brokenness and my team leader said, “It is at the point where you are the most broken when God shines through the most and is able to do amazing things through your brokenness.” That is the point where I started to embrace my brokenness and allow God to begin my healing process. Every session God would point out new things I needed to let go of and new ways to free myself. In one session we were asked the question, “Who does God say that you are?” I had no clue how to answer this, because up till a few weeks ago I thought God saw me as worthless, used and broken, but I knew those were lies, I just didn’t know what He actually thought of me. So I prayed for him and asked for him to give me scripture and He told me to turn to 2 Corinthians 12:9 which reads, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Isn’t that crazy? Because of God’s grace and Jesus death on the cross, God forgives and forgets my past and sees me as whole and perfect. Slowly, but surely God was abolishing all the lies in my life.
Week three was gender week, all the men and women split up for the week and the women got to have beauty for ashes training, which affirmed all the love God had for me. At the end of gender week we did stand up for your sister, which is a time for women to come together and support each other in knowing that we aren’t alone in our pain. This is when God tore down the biggest lie in my life, God showed me that I wasn’t alone. We all answered questions about ourselves anonymously, then the questions were read off and we all got the opportunity to stand up for each other. It was crazy, things that I thought only I had struggled with over half the other girls in my team had also struggled with. The enemy had been lying to all of us for so long, telling us that we were alone in our struggles and that we would be judged if anyone knew. Those were lies, we weren’t alone at all, not only did we have God, but we all had each other, we couldn’t have been further away from being alone. Just like that, the biggest lie that the enemy had rooted in my life was gone, oh the freedom I felt was unmatched. You don’t realize how much all those lies can hold you down till God lifts them off of you and you are freed for the first time. It’s a change that not only you feel about yourself, but it’s one that everyone around you notices, I have gotten countless remarks from my team about how I now radiate freedom, THANKS GOD!
A month passed and the freedom I was walking in was unmatched, but I was still referring to myself as broken, until one Saturday night during church. We had an amazing church service by one of our teams and at the end of the service they gave us a piece of paper that read, “I am” and we were told to write who God says we are as a reminder. I was planning on writing beloved, because that was a word God had given me before, but then God stopped me, I heard Him say, “you are no longer broken, because you are made whole through my grace.” With no hesitation I wrote, “I am made whole through God’s grace” and that was it, I was no longer broken. Was I broken when I got to training camp? Heck yea I was, but God pulled me out of my brokenness and I am now made whole through his grace and love, THANKS GOD! Isn’t that crazy? In a months time God has fully transformed me from the inside out, how freaking cool is God? I am so pumped to see all the radical things God tells me and does for me in the future, for now all I can say is, THANKS GOD!
At the beginning of this blog I painted a picture, I want you to once again imagine being confined in a coffin and to try to break out of this coffin you turn to worldly things, such as; drinking, dating, drugs, shopping, sex, stealing, lying, anger, food, money, school, friendships, work, etc. Grasping for anything to possibly fulfill yourself, but it all makes the coffin stronger and makes you fall deeper into your grave. Finally you give in and with a final cry for help you turn towards God and surrender your coffin to Him. Suddenly the coffin you’re in explodes and He pulls you out of the grave in his loving arms and sets you out in the fresh air and sunlight. Think of the freedom and joy you would feel, after suffocating in a coffin for so long, you’re finally able to breath in the fresh air and feel the sunlight. That is a sliver of the freedom and joy I have gotten to experience in the last few weeks and I hope if any of you are where I was, I pray that God will abolish your coffin and pull you into his glorious light.
