I love coming up with metaphors, and I love a good story. I often view life like this grand story: God the author, Jesus the main character, Holy Spirit the overarching Presence or setting if you will, and us the supporting cast. So from this stand, I want to share with you a couple chapters that involve me.
A few weeks back I found myself on a pile of bricks in the middle of this lot somewhere in Cambodia. Why was I there you might ask? I was desperate for freedom, true, raw, real freedom. It was only hours before this I came to a conclusion I’d scratched at for years but never fully uncovered, I’m a perfectionist, a perfectionist with myself.
Now it’s not a bad thing to hold yourself to a higher standard and strive to become a better you, all for that growing thing. But it gets dark and dangerous when you hold yourself to a perfect standard, a standard that’s physically impossible to obtain here on earth. However, without even cognitively knowing it, that’s what I’d been doing for as long as I can remember, and I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and done with it.
The devil isn’t creative. When he finds something that makes you tick, he’ll exploit it as much as we allow him to. So on this day he went straight at my perfectionism, igniting a few sparks from here and there and trying to light a forest. But I was having none of it.
Now hang with me cause I’m about to drop the metaphors again. Over the years I’ve played a variety of hands against these attacks. I’ve gone with the old “blanket approach,” covering it up and pretending it was nothing. I’ve tried out the” hack a branch approach,” just swinging aimlessly at what I think might be the cause of it. And last but not least I’ve gone with the “root approach,” getting my hands dirty and uncovering the real root of it all. Through much trial and error I’ve concluded the last approach holds the most water, i.e. is hands down the best.
So back to it. There I sit on the bricks living out the application of this last approach. Minutes before the devil had been hounding me with thoughts of how I should run, put down the shovel and just go. Thankfully I wasn’t wearing my running shoes and I have an absolutely incredible team who knows and loves me like champions, so I decided it was in the best interest of all if I just walk this one out.
I cried out to God to expose the root and rip this thing out once and for all, and then I waited there with Him.
“And this is the confidence that we have towards Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him” (1 John 5:14-15)
He told me that He never created me to hold myself to this standard of perfection that I’ve devised, but rather to grab hold of His perfection… boom. I sat there as the gravity of these words rested in my being.
Jump with me a few chapters now in the story. We were in transit from Cambodia to Thailand and staying at this hostel in Chiang Mai, Thailand. It’s a little after midnight and Marissa and I are downstairs talking and going over some memorizing we’ve been doing. This guy comes in, sees us with a Bible, and asks, “is that the Bible?” We confirm with him that, yes indeed it is, and that sparks about four hours of incredible conversation. Long story short, we swapped stories, he asked us all these deep questions about our faith, and we just shared life together. It was around 4 am when we all headed off to bed, but I can’t remember the last time I was that alive!
Here’s the thing; people crave genuine authenticity. This guy was shocked by the fact that we, Christian Missionaries, were so “real.” He remarked and even explained how he was envious of the pure joy and happiness we walked in. It wasn’t our “perfection” or words or anything like that he was drawn to, it was our true real selves, God in us.
How often I over-analyze my every move, try to be someone I’m not, or hold myself to some unreachable level of perfection, when all He’s calling us to do is simply be His kid. There isn’t some crazy mathematical equation that we have to solve in order to do this life thing right. We know the Teacher, the Teachers got the answer key, and He’s holding it out for all the world to see. All we got to do is look!
So here’s the revelation He gave me. God didn’t mess up when He made us. He doesn’t expect or want us to be anyone or anything other than who He created us to be. He crafted and drew us exactly how we are to fulfill His perfect purpose in and through our lives. The Holy Spirit is in us, and we don’t have to worry about what to say, what to do, or even where to be, we just get to be with Him and He’ll write the perfect script.
We’re all different paints, and that’s exactly how He intended it. We don’t have to try to be some other shade or color, we just gotta radiate what we are!
That’s the art of being you.
