Two days ago we were told that our ministry for the day would be a 10 mike hike to visit a church. And I said wow 10 miles that’s actually insane I haven’t dont much physical activity in the past 8 months! But heck yeah let’s walk!!
Well we get to the start of our hike and it’s a solid half a mile up this hill that was at least a 45 degree angle but felt like a 90 degree- NO LIE. Right then and there I thought that was the end but it wasn’t we still had long to go.
So we reach the top and realize that we are actually going down a valley to visit a church! Great! Downhill! No problem for this chick!
But. We all know. Downhill means you gotta come back up. And that’s not good.
So the whole way down was great, filled with good conversation, many laughs, couple of songs, and only one major fall by yours truly.
We made it to the church, met the elders, got to encourage, and said our goodbyes. It was a sweet service with a few songs and good word brought from two of my teammates.
Then the daunting face of having the climb back up was now right ahead of me. At this point I was pretty tired and wasn’t too pumped to hike out of this valley (especially seeing how high we had to go).
But we started and all was well and normal till we started taking the short cuts. Short cuts as in a shorter distance but straight up. At this point my water bottle was empty and so was my energy. I really was starting to fade fast.
We got to a point where there was the fast group that would power through (ended up losing sight of them quick, haha) and the slower-fewer breaks group. I was in that group. We would go and rest- trying to make it to the next shady spot.
Then I took a break from staring at my feet and glanced up at the mountain we were still climbing. I got this HUGE-overwhelming-panic-attack-I-can’t-breath moment crash over me. I was hearing all the lies that I wasn’t enough, too fat, and couldn’t do this. They were so loud. It broke me. I tired my best but couldn’t shake it. But with the help of my friends getting my breathing back to normal and a good pep talk I could then think about why and what had happened.
I learned that over the past few months I’ve been letting the lies creep in and sound like truths. I’ve been thinking that the thoughts of “I’m not good enough” “I’m fat” “I’m unloveable” were true. But they weren’t. Those aren’t things from the Lord and those aren’t thoughts I want in my head, ever.
These thoughts have been a huge barrier between the Lord and I. I let these thoughts be a constant consumer of my life.
I first heard the message of the Lord making us in his image and it was good, a long time ago. I’ve always known that I’m beautiful and the Lord loves me.
But I haven’t ever been able to actually believe it.
And it’s still hard to believe!!!!!!!
It’s always going to be a hard thing to fully grasp. There are bad days and there are good days. I’m learning every day that i am beautiful and I am in his image and his image is GOOD! So I’m GOOD!
I’m now learning what thoughts I need to entertain and what thoughts I need to throw out. If there’s thoughts that’s say I’m not good- Well then those thoughts are no good and gotta get the heck out!
So. Right now. I challenge you, when a thought crosses your mind, and it’s not a positive, GOOD, thought.. get it out!
When I finally cleared the thoughts of not being able to hike anymore, I seriously could. I made it to the top. I then ran down the step 45 degree hill and sat happily on the bus knowing I’m good, and the Lord is good.
