I sat in my my moms office with her looking at vehicles sorting through milage, colors, location, price and third row seating. We found a GREAT car with low miles good price and lots of features that I prefered. The only problem was the car wasn’t for me, it was for my mom. The jealousy monster took over me when she considered going to look at it. I want that car, I liked it not her, its fancy she likes basic, why is she considering this? I sat with her a little longer listened to her tell my step dad about it. (He made the joke lets go buy it for AbbyLin. Everything in me was wanting that to be real and not a joke.) I sat a little longer and walked out, walked up the stairs to my apartment and pouted. I uttered the words “God this isn’t fair.”
Rewind about 2 weeks, I had just dropped off my last passenger (if you missed the memo since coming home I haven’t found a job or made a definite decision on what I wanted to do so I took up Uber driving to pay my bills.) I was heading back to my side of town to go to an Elijah Rising rescue event (I also have gotten involved with an organization that helps rescue woman from sex trafficking) when I was rear ended by a vehicle that took off. This guy hit me I hit the people in front of me which made my airbags go off. My car was towed away for my insurance company to look at and decide the fate of my vehicle. I panicked, I was mad, I was scared almost all the emotions you could think of I had. A week late the insurance company informed me that they were going to total my car, leaving me with no way to make money and stuck at home. (There is a whole story behind that too which I witnessed God answer a prayed but that’s for another blog.)
This is why my mom getting a new car hit me so hard and made that ugly green jealousy monster come out. Not because my mom didn’t deserve it, not because she was rubbing anything in my face but because I was without, and my car was “taken” from me. Fast forward to uttering walking back up to my apartment. I sat down at my table took out my journal and pretty much confessed to the Lord that I was jealous I want to be happy for my mom, the woman deserves the world and more. I asked the Lord to give me joy for my mother and this new purchase, I asked him to not let ugly take over because that’s not the person I wanted to be. I finished my prayer and I sat there, I waited to FEEL different, I thought about going back down to sit with my mom. That didn’t seem like a good idea it would just cause me to be more upset. So I opened my journal back up and got REAL with God. (not that my prayer wasn’t real because it very much was.) But I needed/wanted to get it all out. So I told Him how unfair it was that my car was “taken” from me, I told him how unfair it was that my life always seemed so much harder than most peoples. Then He reminded me of all the people I met on the race and how they were much happier with WAY less “stuff”. So I complained some more and asked “Why does my path always have to be so unfair.” The Lord was sweet with the response of “ It’s only unfair if you are comparing your life to someone elses or you have expectations that aren’t being met the way YOU want them to be met. Stop comparing your life to the people around you and enjoy the things that I have picked for you. This life the one you have is one that I HANDPICKED for YOU, are you saying I did a bad job? Are you saying my way is not a good way? I picked this life, these moments, this season for you. YOU specifically.”
What or who are you comparing your story to? What expectations are you holding on to that have you saying “That’s not fair.” Life isnt fair God didn’t give us all the same story, I am not created to walk the same path as my mom. I am not created to walk the same path as anyone. My path was handpicked for me by God and it wasn’t meant to be easy it was meant to glorify Him. At the end of the day my path allows me to reach a certain kind of people that some people can’t. The same goes for you and your path, and your walk. The people that we are comparing ourselves to arent meant to walk our path its like comparing apples and oranges. If he gave us all the same story the gospel would only be shared with a limited number of people. Your path is important and unique embrace it!
