Today has been a hard day! I woke up around 1:30am to a text that my sweet Amber passed away. My heart shattered, I don’t think I fully processed it till I woke up this morning and the only thing I could think was “what did you do Amber?” She wasn’t the type to want to leave so early, so full of life, so full of love and happiness. It’s really hard for me to write this and talk about her in the past tense I still don’t think I have fully processed that I won’t ever see her again. I thought about her all day, I picked my phone up multiple times to text her or check my Snapchat to see if she snapped me then the reality hit me that I wouldn’t see “amber BR15” come across my phone anymore. A life gone before it even really got started. And all I could think was “what did u do Amber?” This is permanent you can’t take it back and I refuse to believe that this is what she wanted. Why wasn’t someone there to talk to her? Why didn’t she reach out? I can’t grasp that this is what she wanted. I can’t understand it, I’ve been where she was so many times, but I reached out so why didn’t she? Not everyone makes the same choices but I wish she would have because this can’t be taken back. She’s not going to pop out and laugh and say I’m just kidding. She’s gone and I feel like a part of my heart went with her. So many nights we stayed up talking, questioning, laughing, and crying! She was my little sister I never had, she was so special and kind. A life taken way to soon and I’m struggling to start this new adventure with this part of me missing. See Amber was the adventurous one, when I called to tell her about the race I think she was more excited than I was! This adventure was her, Amber was daring and loved to live her life going 90 miles per hour! And she loved it that way! She loved being the center of attention all eyes on her was how she liked it!
She loved being there for her friends, she loved to love ppl and encourage them! She could make anyone smile and laugh even on the worst of days! She was a light on the darkest days. So young but so wise and naive at the same time.
At launch we received keys with a specific word on them, something that we need to work on and my word was “now”. Being in the here and now was something I have been praying over my race hard! I don’t want to miss a min of this amazing experience and today’s pain i struggled all day to stay present and be here with my mom and step dad and my team and their parents. It was also the day I said see you later to my mom and step dad for 11 months. It was a day of goodbye and see u laters. And although my sweet amber is gone I know she wouldn’t want me to miss a min of this journey. She would want me to go out and do the first crazy off the wall adventure I found! Maybe that’s how I will do my race, living it out for her in her memory? I don’t know what is going to happen in the months to come but i know that no matter where I am or where I am going Amber and her loving spirit and heart will go with me. RIP MY SWEET GIRL I LOVE YOU!
