Fear and doubt have been on my mind a lot this month! I have been questioning if this is the right move, doubting what God has called me too. I knew going into this that fundraising would be hard but I never imagined it would be THIS hard. In July is my first deadline and I am no where near the $5000 needed. Then it hits me that July is deadline number 1 I still have 3 more that I am going to have to meet, and that terrifies me!
I find myself comparing myself to the other members of my route I read their blogs and see how far they are in fundraising and it so much further along than me…. and then the doubt sets in. If this is what God has called me to then why is it so hard for me? Why am I stuck in the same place? Why am I not further along? All questions that have been going through my head all month! My mom always tells me not to post stuff like this because is depressing or it shows that I am doubting God, but the hard truth about it all is that its not always pretty, and I am not always super excited about this, and it is A LOT harder than I want it to be.
To many times as Christians I think we forget to show that we have problems too, we struggle with things too we aren’t above it and we aren’t always perfect. So this is me being vulnerable and showing people that I have questions too, fear is real, doubt is real no matter who you are. I think it comes down to how we handle it. Every night before I go to bed I ask God for reassurance, I pray for guidance, and I pray for wisdom and I pray that he will show me what my next move is in fundraising because I can have a million ideas but unless God is there and guiding these ideas they might not work out as well. I want Gods hand in all of it, and I know throughout this journey these doubts and fears will be a constant but God has this and this is his calling on my life that I know for sure!
