Before showing up in Gainesville, I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus. I believed in God and was raised in the church, but I never prayed, never actively sought out the Lord, and my life wasn’t devoted to Him. I spent the first week on the world race pretending to be “religious enough” to be there so others wouldn’t see my lack of faith and think of how I shouldn’t be there. I felt embarrassed every time I had to look in the contents section of my bible to find a book or when I couldn’t name my favorite bible verse to my team because I didn’t know any. I was living in fear thinking about what to say in every conversation and how to answer every question to make people believe I wasn’t a fraud.
I barely held on that first week until one day I broke down crying in front of my team admitting I hadn’t been to church in years and I don’t read the bible. I was expecting them to judge me and tell me I wasn’t worthy of being on the world race, but I was met with love and understanding. I don’t necessarily remember what they said, but I remember how they made me feel. They made me feel like it was okay to be me and that I wasn’t the only one working through my faith so I wasn’t alone. My fear fell to the floor because of the love they showed me and from that point on I started being honest about my feelings and wasn’t afraid to ask questions when I didn’t know something. They told me it was okay where I was, and they loved me right from where I was at. One week later, we named our team CAYA, which is an acronym for “come as you are”. We named ourselves this because Jesus doesn’t ask us to come to Him being perfect, He asks that we just come as we are. I didn’t need to fake how I am, I could come to His feet as I am.
Right now, I am home in Eden Prairie, Minnesota reflecting on my time in Gainesville. I really don’t know where to start, because I learned so much and have changed so much. So, here are some overall themes I’ve learned.
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The bible is a love story, not a rule book.
I misinterpreted the purpose of the Bible growing up because I thought it was only for telling us what and what not to do. As said in an article I read, I felt Christians were acting as the “morality police” with wanting everyone to know God’s rules and that they followed them perfectly. However, the purpose of the bible is to show God’s love for his creation. Throughout the narratives and the stories in the bible, we see themes on how God wants us to live, but that is because of his abundant love for us.
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As imperfect humans, we will sin.
Ever since the fall with Adam and Eve, sin has been in the world. We can try to lessen the amount we sin, but inevitably we will still sin from time to time. We are not perfect humans, and there is no reason we should act like we are. This is addressed in the bible when it is said “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9 ESV). Therefore, even when we sin, we are cleansed from it by God’s grace.
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We don’t get to chose who to love
As a generation that has created cancel culture, we chose to love the people who agree with us politically and morally and judge and hate the people who differ in views and ways of life from us. However, we are called to love everyone no matter their origin, views, actions, or identity. That means loving the person who gossips about me, the person who yells at me for who I am, and the person who treats me poorly. This is talked about numerous times in the bible, but it is difficult to walk it out when in a tough situation. Here are two bible verses that talk about this:
“And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39 ESV)
This is the second part of the great commandments. It doesn’t say love my neighbor when they love me, it says love my neighbor as I love myself.
“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar, for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” (1 John 4:19-21 ESV)
This has been hard for me to walk out in the past, but with my new change of heart and view, I am dedicated to loving everyone, as hard as it may be sometimes.
Here is one last verse on this:
“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18 ESV) (I’m kinda lovin 1 John right now)
This is ultimately saying we need to practice what we preach, and this is a verse I hold dear to my heart.
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He is greater than it all
One thing 2020 has taught me is that God’s plan is greater than my plan, and He is greater than it all, especially greater than the world. Wow, God is so great. Through the canceling of plans and then having new hope just for that to leave again, I’ve realized God has a reason for everything, even if we can’t see it or understand it at the time. He has a purpose for our lives.
So, if you were wondering, I now have a relationship with Jesus, and have committed my life to Him and what He wants for me. My life has done a complete 180, so much so it’s not even on the same circle. I am extremely excited to launch in January to go to ECUADOR (!!!!!!) and continue to follow God’s calling on my life. Can’t wait to talk to you all more soon. Go with peace to love and serve the Lord!!
Love, Abby
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