I want to be open and honest.
As most of you know I recently got back in June from a 9 month mission trip abroad. This journey changed my life in so many ways. I grew in countless areas, but my most important experience was meeting and growing close to a God who was not ashamed of me and accepted every part of me.
Since being back in the states, I have faced many obstacles. Transitions are hard. Everyone goes through them. Whether it’s a loss of a loved one, a husband/wife becoming a parent, or a teenager finding themselves making adult decisions after high school, the truth is we are never alone in the change we face.
For me, I was not sure what my life would look like after the World Race. Nevertheless, I was positive that God would be there when change and transition would challenge me.
Fast forward to today: it has been 5 months since the World Race has ended, almost half a year that I have been back in the states! I cannot seem to wrap my brain around that. At first, I was on fire for God and more than willing to share that with others. But as time went on, the transitions that had become prevalent in my life grew harder than expected. The community I had found on the World Race was now scattered throughout the states and even in other countries. Ministry was no longer a forced routine but rather it was a choice. With no other people to spur me on, I decided to sit there in loneliness. I inadvertently isolated myself from the world. Because of my reclusive actions, God became distant.
When I realized the negative effect of my passive actions, I was at a loss of words. In that moment, I did not know how to approach the man who created me and changed my heart. It felt like steps backwards from my year of growth and full life and I was very frustrated and angry with myself.
I found comfort in old habits. I turned to alcohol, pornography, and self-harm: all things I am ashamed to write. But as I reflect on my post-race experience, I can see where the broken pieces I was in still shouted words of His glory.
Vulnerability draws community and where light is shed in the dark the enemy has no power.
My weakest of moments reveal His strength.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” -2 Corinthians 12:9
Every time we feel like failures we are met by undeserving grace. There is no shame or condemnation to those who are now in Christ Jesus!
I will never be able to comprehend why our creator came down in the likeness of man and took on every sin we would commit by giving up His own life. It’s a beautiful truth! However, this does not give us a free pass to continue in sin. This action of His life being laid down does reveal something greater – His character.
He loves us.
I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been hurt by people who said they loved me or the amount of times I have hurt people I love. But I can tell you that every time I have done God wrong he has met me with love. I am overwhelmed with comfort and instant forgiveness when I approach Him. It’s just a matter of taking those steps to receive what He has already freely given us.
In the past, after I had made a mistake, I would just sit there in even more pain after doing what I thought would make me feel better about my guilt. I know now that staying in a place of self hate and shame is never the answer. YOU don’t have to sit there! God wants to meet you and He wants to take your trials and turn them into testimonies.
Your suffering does not go unnoticed. I had a friend once tell me this analogy.
“You have an addiction, you’ve been clean for a month now. You accidentally slip up and all you see is how far you have to go again. But please, look how far you have already come.”
As someone who has been around the bend a time or two, I am here to say that you are NEVER too far gone. You cannot outrun Gods grace. It will always find you! Please come to the altar today and receive what has been freely given to you. Don’t for another minute take Jesus’ death for granted. He wants so much more for you and so do I.
