I was laying in my hammock crying out to God. I realized a month had gone by in Honduras and there I was feeling empty. Feeling as if I had wasted the time God had given me. I was in a place of doubt. I had left my comfortable life in the states, for what? I did not feel any closer to Him than I had in the past. I couldn’t help but boldly ask God,
“Where are you?!”
He gave me this open sky, a breathtaking mountain range, and devoted followers all around me. Yet, I could not see Him. I could not hear Him speak to me. The question then was brought back on me.
“Abby, where have you been?”
I had taken this time for granted. I was the one not seeking after Him. I had come here with the desire to grow but I did not press into His goodness. Instead, I became stagnant and started to question if I wanted this anymore. If I even wanted him anymore. I was then reminded of how God brought me here in the first place. Just last year I was in a place of despair. I had forgotten about all the wonders He had done for me. How He brought me out of that pit, to be here. To be facing these mountains that He made! How could I have questioned him?
As I sat there in silence it started to mist. I closed my eyes and asked the Lord if there was anything else He wanted to say to me. I opened my bible to Joel 2 to see in bold, “Rend your heart”. My eyes filled with tears I read verse 12,
“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart…”
RETURN. He does not want me to doubt His goodness. He wants me to simply come home. Even now! Even after all the questions of doubt. He wants all the mess that I am because He created me. The Lord has every right to be angry at me, yet, the Bible says, “He is slow to anger.” Not even an hour ago I said, “Where are you God?” AND He answered. In the misted of the rain He spoke to me. Joel 2:23 states, “For He has given you the autumn rains because He IS faithful.” The Lord has shown Himself in this very moment. He has worked wonders for me. (vs. 26) I am in awe of this gift. To rend my heart to Him.
Rend, to tear into two or more pieces. God asks for nothing more than for us to give ourselves to Him. The deepest parts, our hearts. We can turn our backs to Him. We can even start walking in the other direction but He will still be in the mist, waiting for us. Saying, “Return to me with ALL your heart.” God desires us no matter where we are in life. We can be in the deepest pit or on the highest mountain. He will still be waiting on us. Come to Him! You don’t have to look back and realize a month has gone by and you wasted your time.
“There will always, always be a place for you at the table. Return to me!”
(At the table by: Josh Garrels)
