Have you ever been tricked?
One time someone gave me an Oreo cookie and I was so excited to eat it. I mean, cmon, Oreos are flippin’ incredible. I put it in my mouth only to find that someone had replaced the delicious white cream in the middle with sour cream. I was disgusted. This cookie was not what I thought it was. It definitely didn’t satisfy me the way I anticipated it would.
A squad mate told me a story from the Bible recently that I had never heard before.
It comes from Genesis 29- The story of Jacob, Rachel, Laban, and Leah.
Jacob’s dad sent him to Laban’s house to marry one of his daughters. Jacob gets there and he meets Rachel and her older sister Leah. The Bible describes Rachel as “beautiful in form and appearance.” The Bible describes Leah as having “weak eyes” …whatever that means. Jacob offered Laban 7 years of labor for Rachel’s hand in marriage.
Jacob worked for 7 years for Rachel. The day finally came that he was to have Rachel as his wife. That night he waited in his tent for Rachel. When she came, Jacob thought he finally had all he had ever wanted. When he woke up the next morning, he found Leah laying next to him in bed.
Jacob had been deceived.
You see, Laban had sent Leah to his tent in the night because it was customary for the eldest daughter to be married first.
Jacob was devastated because he loved Rachel. So he offered Laban another 7 years of his life just to have Rachel as his wife.
Dang, what a scandal.
Jacob had his eyes fixed on Rachel for 7 years. He worked hard every day for this woman who he thought would satisfy him. And on the morning after his wedding, he woke up to find that everything he had been dreaming of was actually Leah.
Leah.
You may be thinking, “That would never happen to me.”
Oh, but it has friends.
Let me tell you about one of the Leah’s in my life.
I ran cross country and track competitively for 9 years. I put every bit of my free time and energy into training for races on the weekends. I ate the right things. I ran 50-70 miles a week sometimes just to shave a few seconds off of my personal records.
I started running competitively in 5th grade. It was such a fun time in my life. My little 5th grade self loved being able to run my extra energy off after school and compete against the “big kids” on the weekends. I was pretty fast for a 5th grader, and I started to get recognition from others for it. In middle school, running became more competitive. I had to make the decision to either train harder to stay on the team or stop running. I decided to train.
I ran and ran and ran. My social life revolved around the sport. This continued for years. I got better and faster and more competitive. I obsessed over my times in races and was devastated any time I ran “poorly.” Nobody was making me do these things. I was doing them because I thought they would satisfy me.
If I could just run a PR next time, my coach would be proud of me. My dad would get to tell his friends at work a cool story about me and how proud he was of me. I would be more popular at school if I could just win one race. My sisters would think I was a cool sister- someone to look up to. I would get the recognition. I would be loved. This is what I wanted and running is how I planned to get it.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved running cross country. I had an amazing coach who loves Jesus and led by example. My parents were super supportive whether I ran a PR or finished last. This was a “me” issue. A heart issue.
I remember running my last competitive cross country race of my high school career. I expected to feel on top of the world. I expected fireworks to go off in my heart. I expected to feel full of happiness because I had finally done it. I trained to be the absolute best runner that I could be. I had given everything I had for this moment.
But I woke up. And it was Leah.
The next day I remember waking up and sobbing in my bed. I felt like I had nothing. I had spent the majority of my young life working. Striving. Running after this thing that I thought was everything. Would be everything I had ever wanted.
I looked around my room at the medals, the trophies, and all the awards I had earned over the past 9 years. And I had never felt more empty than I did in that moment.
I’m crying as I write this because I can still feel the pain of the moment that I sat up in my bed and realized that everything that I had worked for. Everything that I had ever wanted. It was Leah all along.
I had been deceived. Tricked. Lied to.
I had believed the lie that success in cross country running was what would satisfy me. I made it an idol in my life. And I worshiped it every day. I bowed down to it. I found my identity in it. I got on my knees before it and said I am yours. I’ll do anything for you.
And in the end, this idol that I had been worshiping my whole life left me with nothing but a few medals, some newspaper clippings, and a confused and empty heart.
One of my favorite bloggers just sent out an email on idolatry. She spoke on Moses and his brother Aaron. Moses left his people for a mere 40 days only to come back down Mount Sinai and find that his own brother had made their people an idol (a golden cow statue) to worship.
“Maybe we aren’t dancing around a fire and singing to a golden calf. But that golden calf is sneakily hiding behind a ton of other names, more socially acceptable names: Money. Power. Success. Status. Followers. Good jobs. Great education.
I’ve come to believe an idol to be anyone or anything we place our worth and value into. An idol is anything we look at and say, “You give me security. You give me direction. You fill me up.”
It doesn’t really, though.
For a short time, I can be fooled that this thing will make me happy or seen or wanted or worthy. But the golden calf eventually does what everything else does- it loses luster and shine. It gets boring. It never fills the growing hole inside of me that wants to be whispered to softly, “You’re okay. You’re perfectly seen and known. You’re not missing any pieces, darling.” -Hannah Brencher
What are the Rachel’s in your life that are actually Leah’s? What are those shiny golden calfs that you sing to that never seem to be enough?
After giving my life to Jesus, I finally realized that I had been deceived into thinking that success in my running career would satisfy me. I finally realized that Jesus was the only thing I could put my hope in that would never let me down. Never disappoint me. Listen and hear this, dear ones.
Jesus is never, ever going to be Leah in the morning.
If we are worshiping, let us worship the one who will truly satisfy. Truly be all that we will ever need. Truly be worthy of our worship.
There’s so much grace to be had for the Leah’s and the golden calfs that we’ve bowed down to. So. Much. Grace.
Hebrews has been rocking my world these days.
Hebrews 4:15-16 says
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Praise God that Jesus knows. He understands. He was tempted to bow to the idols that life had to offer, just like us.
Hebrews 12:28-29 says
“Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.”
God is the only one who deserves our worship. And He is jealous for it, friends. He is a jealous God. He wants us. He desires us so deeply.
Right now, Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the Father interceding on our behalf. Jesus lives to make intercession for us.
Why? Why is Jesus interceding for us?
His longing for communion with us fuels His intercession for us.
Let that sink in. He wants us so badly that He chooses to endlessly intercede for us, so that one day, we will see Him face to face.
How does knowing that Jesus is interceding for you affect your heart posture towards worshiping Him?
I’m learning to how to truly worship in Spirit and in truth this month. My ministry this month in Malaysia is literally to sit with God, sometimes for 7 hours at a time, and worship him.
The thought of worshiping and praying to God for 7 hours a day seemed daunting at first. Scary, even. But as I dig into the Word. As I sit at His feet and listen each day. I’m finding that the only worthy response that I could have to His name is worship.
He is so good, y’all.
I can’t explain to you why He would intercede for me. Why He wants to see me- the girl who worships the golden calf, the girl who wakes up to Leah- face to face.
But I’m thankful that He does. And I’ll never stop thanking Him for that. Never stop worshiping Him for that.
What a reckless love. What a scandalous grace. What a good God we serve.
Worthy are you, Jesus.
