I just need to come to terms with the fact that I am Peter, in a nutshell. Peter- the follower of Jesus who can receive the keys to the kingdom of heaven and get called satan by Jesus just a few verses apart. The man who Jesus asks over and over again if he loves (agape- sacraficially loves) Him and Peter responds with, “You know I love (phileo- brotherly love) you.
Peter has soul amnesia, and so do I.
Think back to when you encountered the love of Jesus for the first time. When He met you in your brokenness and said, “You are MINE. I want YOU. Your brokenness is welcome here.”
How in the world does a person forget this feeling? How can you forget the feeling of acceptance? Of adoption? Of forgiveness? Of being called holy and blameless before God?
How does one forget that God loves you, in your brokenness, and asks absolutely nothing of you?
How do I forget that He is good when my world seems to be crumbling or when I’m just having a crappy day.
How can I have seen blind eyes open through my own hands and doubt God’s healing power when I pray for someone else?
Pretty easily, actually.
My soul has amnesiac tendencies. I feel like King David when He says, “Why are you downcast, O my soul?” and also says, “Because your love is better than life my lips will glorify you.”
Peter is my dude, forreal. He’s the apostle that I most easily relate to. Not just because he’s got soul amnesia, just like me, but because Jesus decided to use Him despite it all. And Peter, I’m sure, just couldn’t believe why the God of the universe would use an amnesiac fisherman like him to spread the gospel to the nations. And I can’t believe He’s using me. That He loves me even when I forget who He is and what He says.
On the days when I’m feeling especially amnesiac, the Lord meets me in my forgetfulness and reminds me of the things that I’ve forgotten. And it’s like I get to experience the gospel for the first time all over again. I get to feel the power of forgiveness and unconditional love and adoption. And let me tell you, it’s incredible. The grace that The Lord shows me every day is indescribable. When I deserve death, He gives me life. When I deserve punishment, he shows me mercy. When I forget who He is, He reminds me gently in love.
If you’re a fellow soul amnesiac- there is hope for us yet. Study the life of Peter and you’ll see that God used him in the mightiest of ways. He used Him to lead the apostles all throughout the gospels and Acts. He used Him to bring the good news to the nations. Jesus built His church upon Peter who he called The Rock.
“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life.”
Deuteronomy 4:9
These days, I’m doing my best to remind my soul daily of who He is and who He says that I am. What He has done, is doing, and can do. Reminding myself of His unending, never-failing love for me. And I find hope in knowing that even if I forget Him for a moment, that He will pull me to Himself again and again until I remember.
