It’s month 4 and I’ve wept (inwardly and outwardly) five times in the past 3 days.
Weeping. It’s more than a cry. Only the highly sensitive people really know how to weep. You feel everything with your whole being. It’s a gift and a curse. Weeping can look 2 different ways for me- inward and outward. Outward weeping is obvious to the weeper and to others. There are giant alligator type tears running down your face. You’ve probably got a runny nose. You’re probably choking a little on your spit and your feelings. It’s the inward weeping that’s hard to spot. It’s not even obvious to the weeper themselves, sometimes. It catches me by surprise alot. Being a feeler personality type means just that- I have alot of feelings about alot of things. And I don’t always know what to do with them or what they even mean. Most of the time I can’t even describe them. Sometimes I’ll catch myself inwardly weeping- feeling so many things at once that my mind explodes to life and shuts down within seconds of each other. No words. Blank stare. Possible eye twitch and crazed smile.
Once I wept because of how delicious a chicken empanada was that I got from a gas station on travel day. Travel days are tough.. your food can make or break you. In this case, the weeping was inward and the hangry was cured.
Once (also an inward weep) because of the fact that my passport was mis-stamped in Honduras along with 3 others from my squad. If you’ve never crossed international borders, you know that things get serious real quick when there’s an issue with your passport. Don’t worry, all is well. We made it into Nicaragua! But not after hours of sitting with all our junk in a parking lot while street dogs tried (and succeeded) to pee on our daypacks. Shout out to my logisitcs coordinator, Will, who got interrogated for about 2 hours by 4 angry Nicaraguan men about why he was trying to get us all into their country.
Once because I FINALLY managed to get rid of enough stuff so that my tent AND my sleeping bag could fit into my big pack. This is a BIG DANG DEAL PEOPLE! My airporter no longer looks like the hunchback of notre dame! No more trying to carry that thing around over my shoulder on travel day. I can walk with the straps of my pack on my back like everyone else on my squad! No more weird stares from people at airports while I drag my lumpy bag around. Hallelujah! This weep was outward, and I was unashamed.
Once I inwardly wept because I finally used my tent. Okay, this seems like a silly reason to weep, but really?! C’mon. I’ve been lugging this giant, HEAVY thing around for 4 months and I haven’t had to use it one time. It’s about time we started roughing it! We’re on the World Race for crying out loud. (Just kidding peeps back at the AIM office! Keep finding my squad amazing places to stay that have beds, we actually really appreciate it.)
Once because of fundraising. I laid in bed and just outwardly wept before The Lord, begging Him to provide for this Race because it seems like I’ve exhausted all my resources. I have to be fully funded by November 30th. I’m about $3,200 off of my final goal. I know that I am loved and supported by so many people back in the states. I know that I know that I know this to be true. It’s easy for little things like a lack of money coming in to make me weepy and more vulnerable to untruths like “You’ll never get anyone else to donate, they’re done giving” or “You’re going to be sent home.”
This seems like alot of weeping for one girl to do in the past few days, but hey, weeping is okay! David was one of the greatest leaders of all time and he was just plain weepy! Check out the psalms if you don’t believe me. The shortest verse in the bible is “Jesus wept.” Look it up.
Really though, weeping is normal for a feeler like me. It makes me more compassionate, more empathetic, and more relatable.
One way that you can prevent the sad, sad alligator tears type weeping from occuring is by FIRST: praying for me! I need alot of prayer these days. I’ll take it from whoever is willing. And SECOND: HELPING ME GET FULLY FUNDED!!!!! $3,200 seems like alot, but I know and trust that God can do immeasurably more than I could ever as or imagine. I’m praying that you would allow Him to use you to do just that. More than I could ever ask you for. More than I could ever imagine that you would do for me. Because, really, it’s not for me. It’s for the Kingdom of God to be brought to earth. By partnering with me financially, you are bringing Kingdom to the nations. What an awesome way to reach the nations, even from your home in the states!
If you choose to partner with me for this Race, I can guarantee that all the weeping will happen. But it’ll be the best kind of weeping. That happiest, joy filled weeping that comes from feeling so loved, cared for, and supported.
Grace and peace from Nicaragua!
Here are a few photos from my first couple days here. It’s incredibly beautiful and life-giving here.
Check out this view! Check out this shade! Check out this dog!!!!!!
Here’s me and my new friend, Julio, enjoying a bag full of coke and a giant piece of bread. It really is the best snack.
How many racers can you fit into a pickup truck? We will never stop trying to squeeze more bodies into a tiny spaces.
We cleared this squash field on our ministry hosts farm with machetes and sweat! We will soon plant some plantain trees here that will provide money for their ministry and make it completely self-sustainable.
Shoutout to Kelly Kruse for snapping this pic of me watching the sunset with Abba- one of my favorite activities.
Here’s a picture of our new friend, Nathan! He’s a great pal who carries squash in his t-shirt and teaches us how to properly dreadlock our hair.
