Did you ever play that game with your friends when you were growing up? The one where you would go and grab someone’s hand and squeeze it as hard as you can? And they would squeeze yours right back? To make it all stop, all you would have to say is uncle. And they would let go and you would be free. Out of the game, but free.
For the past two months, all I’ve been wanting to say to God is, “Uncle. I’m out.”
I’ve been wet clay in potter’s hands. Being pounded and shaped and spun round and round and round. Then thrown into the fire.
Holy buckets, does that fire burn. That’s the thing about sanctification and being forged by the fire… it burns.
I have struggled in community the past couple of months. I value connection so much, and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling connected to my community. I tried to manage behavior. I tried to fix it, control it. I tried everything I could think of to fix my team. But it just wasn’t working. So I tapped out. Said uncle. Washed my hands of the problems and took myself out of the game. I told myself that since I couldn’t fix all of the problems, that I wouldn’t even try anymore. So I pridefully shifted the blame, pointed fingers, held onto resentment and focused on differences.
This month in India, I asked The Lord to help me, probably for the first time since I noticed my lack of connection to my community. I invited Him into the struggle. I told Him that I couldn’t micromanage everything anymore, and that I needed Him to come in, do His thing, and show me how to fight for my community.
I never expected that the problem was me.
The Lord led to to Philippians 2- Christ’s example of humility. The first time He did, He asked me to begin praying that passage over myself every day. And I was like, “God, I’m humble. You sure this is the right one?” He insisted, of course.
So I began praying that over myself every morning and reflecting on Christ’s example of humility. I began asking God to show me areas of pride in my heart/life. I asked Him to replace my prideful heart with His humble one.
Praying that passage over myself opened the door for God to create in me a new heart. He revealed to me that I hadn’t been looking at my community through a lens of humility. That instead of asking myself what I could do and if I was part of the problem, when it got too hard, I just said uncle.
When The Lord graciously revealed this to me, my heart completely changed for my team. I asked Him to give me new eyes for my teammates. To show me how and to help me serve them in a humble and Christlike way.
I flourished and thrived in my community this month. I’ve seen a change in our team’s culture all because every single one of us decided to fight. Decided that our community was worth pressing into the hard stuff. We decided not to say uncle.
When you’re in the fire, it’s hard to not say uncle. To not tap out and beg for God to take you out of it. To not become passive and apathetic when things aren’t going your way.
But I think The Lord is telling me, “Don’t you dare say uncle.”
Let’s think about it. What would it really mean for me to say uncle to God.
I would be telling Him that what He’s done isn’t enough.
That His blood shed isn’t enough to make me an overcomer.
I would be saying that the community He’s given me isn’t worth fighting for.
It would tell Him that I doubt His goodness, love, faithfulness, and kindness.
I don’t know about you, but I think those are some big, fat lies.
Today I’m resolving to never say uncle. No matter how many times I’m pounded, molded, spun around, and thrown into the fire.
Whatever the fire is that you’re walking through, let me be the first to tell you to not say uncle. Because when you come out looking beautiful and more like Jesus, you’ll be glad you didn’t.
