I want to start with talking about how IMMENSELY blessed I am. Not just blessed recently, but that's what I'll tell you about. December has been a pretty fun month. My coworkers at Heartland made me feel like the coolest girl in the world with going away parties (yes, multiple) and gifts and such leading up to my last day on the 14th. Intertwined with work stuff I got to be a part of University Christian's State Championship game, Christmas parties, trivia nights with friends, Christmas parties, road trip to West Palm, Christmas parties, good eats/shopping/happiness of local Jax stuff and did I mention Christmas parties? Right now, it's Christmas Eve, 48 minutes until midnight. I've been here in Seattle with gobs of family for a week and get to spend another 4 days with them. My brother, sister-in-law and the most fantastic nephew in the world were here last week and I get to spend another week with them when I go back to Jacksonville on Friday. We celebrated Christmas a little bit last Friday while everyone was together and my family surprised me with the "Christmas Jar" blessing. They all had been collecting their change and other donations all year and just covered me with their love and support. Thanks to them and the rest of my supporters I'm only about $3000 away from being fully funded! ALMOST FULLY FUNDED. Can't say I thought I'd be here so quickly. But I am! So between blessings as small as Granny making my most favorite Mexican casserole for dinner and blessings as large as being surrounded by people who love and support me whole-heartedly, I should be doing pretty darn fantastic.
Turns out Satan knows how to steal Christmas joy really well. Regardless of my personal blessings, everyone should be enveloped in the warm, fuzzy, sugary, jolly Christmas Snuggie(that's what I'm going to call it since that's what I picture in my head), right? December has also been a really rough month for me. It's about to get pretty honest. During my countdown to launch I've struggled. There's so much to do. So much to research. So much to get. Do I need to get a new tent? Will I be ok taking Doxy instead of Malarone for Malaria? How many shirts are too many? Am I going to die because I didn't spend $600 on the Japenese Encephilitis immunization? Why don't I always feel excited when I think about launch? Why does everyone on my squad seem so ready? What the heck was Eric thinking when he thought I could be in charge of our team's monthly budget? What if I let my team down? What if I don't know what to say to people? What if I'm not the right person God wanted for this? These questions and countless others have plagued my mind. Sometimes it's stupid stuff like packing but as you see they can become increasingly destructive. I don't feel like I have control of myself. I don't feel like myself. I can cry at the drop of a hat, sometimes for a specific reason but most often I don't know where the tears come from. I can get so caught up in my thoughts and worries that I can't focus on things around me and I feel like I'm drowning. I can be in a room fo 20+ friends or family and feel 100% alone. For weeks I've been blaming it on stress. It didn't occur to me until tonight, sitting in the beauty of a candle-lit church service, that the ultimate enemy is to blame. In TWO WEEKS from today I'm going to leave every bit of normalcy I've known and face the largest challenge of my life so far. That challenge is something I've commited to because I felt God tell me that I could do it. I don't consider myself brave whatsoever. In fact, I'm pretty pathetic. (You're saying, "well, yea you're pathetic now that you've told me about your cry-fests) In TWO WEEKS 57 N Squad-ers are going to set off and our only goal is to live in God's will for our lives and bring His love to 11 countries. Fiercely! Passionately! My favorite song from Training Camp says, "There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain, break every chain, break every chain…there's an army rising up!" It's no wonder Satan is doing his best to suffocate my spirit. I can't believe it took me so long to figure it out. Who does he think he is? My joy is my own. He has no rights.
Now it's 11 minutes past midnight and I may or may not have heard Mr. Claus in the living room. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! 
Luke 10:19 NIV
"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you."
