Growing up I was a tomboy. I have two brothers so I was just as comfortable being rough and tough with them as I was playing with the girls. We would have races around our houses with our friends and I would win. In 4th and 5th grade the boys would let me play flag football with them at recess because I was faster than most of them and thus made a perfect running back. I was never girly, never afraid to get dirty, and getting bumps and bruises didn't bother me.
At the same time, I loved playing with my dolls, especially my American Girl dolls my grandparents spoiled me with. My bedroom was even painted pink. I sometimes liked wearing dresses and being fancy. I loved taking care of younger children. At summer camp in 4th grade my award at the end of the week was M.I.T, mother in training, because I was always helping the younger campers in my group. I played the roll of nurturer from a young age.
So there I was, stuck between two different worlds.
There were times when I didn’t know which world I belonged to. What would happen if I wanted to play sports, but the boys wanted it to be boys only. What happened when I didn't feel like being girly but my friends wanted to get together to do their hair and makeup and talk about the latest fashion. Or if I wasn't even invited to things because I wasn't girly enough or just one of the boys.
Last month all the boys could talk about was manistry. How they were so excited to have a month without us where they could pour into each other and do manly things together. While I was excited for them, there was part of me that dreaded this month for the exact reasons that they were so excited for. I didn't look forward to the potential girlyness and drama that can surround a group of women living together.
What has happened is the opposite. My identity has been planted more firmly as a daughter of God. I am exactly how God created me to be.
He made me drawn to children
He made me not afraid to get a little dirty
He made me love to cook and meal plan
He made me ok with rarely wearing makup
He made me hate letting others carry things for me because I can do it myself
He made me not hesitate to help the guys with manual labor
He makes me only takes 5 minutes to get ready, and will most likely be annoyed if you take longer than that
He made me able to talk sports with just about anyone
He made me sometimes need time without any other girls
He made me to be a bro-chick
Sometimes I still feel like I am stuck between those two worlds. But that’s ok, because I know who I am, and I have the freedom to just be me. I won't pretend to be someone I'm not, I will walk in the confidence knowing I am a woman created by the most high king and that is all I need.
