It’s after 6 am and my mom and I rush into the airport and begin frantically looking for the first line we need to get into in order to make our flight to Atlanta. We were headed to my Launch for the World Race, which consists of a few days of final training and preparation before leaving the country. I did not want to be late for the absolute first thing I had to show up to and I was extremely stressed out. After about ten minutes in one line, my mom began to suspect that it wasn’t the right one and proceeded to search with a determination unnatural for such an early morning and a zebra- patterned rolling suitcase in tow.
It wasn’t until we finally were able to check our bags that I realized I didn’t have my ID. I immediately checked all my pockets and every section I could reach in my overstuffed-backpack. I couldn’t believe that the one moment of every moment that I needed to be on time and have my ID, I had messed up both of those things. I did a quick lap around the area to see if I had dropped it on accident. No luck. I was counting every second with my increasing heart rate and figured there wasn’t enough time to keep looking for it if I wanted to make my flight. As we practically ran to get into the security line, I prayed desperately that God would make my ID magically appear.
We made it to the terminal as all the on-time people were boarding and I felt like such a failure. How could I go be an adult away from my parents for nine months if I can’t even keep track of a simple card in my back pocket?
The airport loudspeaker announcing my name interrupted my spiraling thoughts. It turned out someone had found my ID minutes before I was about to board. I quickly thanked God as I ran to grab the card and hurry onto the plane. Thanks for fixing it, God. It won’t happen again, I’ll be careful!
Three days later, I was at a Kroger’s for my first assignment as a team treasurer: buying 2 days worth of groceries for my whole team. I had been entrusted with an official credit card with my name on it and was feeling pretty responsible and important. After buying all my groceries, I checked out and was extremely proud to find that I was under-budget. I decided to quickly grab some more snacks before it was time to leave. There wasn’t much time, and I started getting stressed about checking out.
I quickly flew threw self-checkout and was on the way out the door with my shiny new credit card in hand, making it with no time to spare. It wasn’t until we were driving out of the Kroger’s parking lot that I realized I didn’t have the credit card.
I checked my wallet about a million times along with every single grocery bag, all the while frantically texting my mom in a hysterical panic. I remember being so stressed out and anxious in that 10-minute car ride back to the hotel that I couldn’t even think a complete thought. I kind of expected that God would make the card appear like he had done with my ID at the airport. I prayed and prayed and demanded and prayed, believing deep down that God would fix everything and make everything happy again. Unfortunately, the card was nowhere to be found
Eventually I had to tell someone about how I had lost the credit card the absolute first time I had to use it. It was probably one of the most embarrassing mistakes I ever had to own up to. For the second time in three days, I felt like a complete failure. How was I going to go on this trip if I couldn’t even keep track of a little plastic card? There was no way I was going to be able to do it and now I had made that very clear to everyone. To say the least, I felt absolutely awful.
Later at Launch, we were singing a song during worship and I was thinking a lot about my missing cards, feeling bad about my failure. We sang the words “There’s no shame in looking like a fool if I give up what I can’t keep and take a hold of You”. When I realized how much this applied to exactly what I was feeling bad about, I started laughing at the irony of it all.
I felt like God was telling me that I needed to stop being so stressed out and trust in Him. I don’t know why I wasn’t able to see that before, it seems like the signs were pretty obvious. Every time I lost my card, it was out of a place of stress and panic in a situation where I was trying so hard to have control that I ultimately lost it. I felt that God was telling me in that moment to have faith in his plans in the big things, like the nine-month trip, and the small things, like making a flight on time and grocery shopping under pressure. I couldn’t handle keeping the card not because of the financial responsibility, but because I wasn’t going to let go of my stress and my control without this big wake up call.
After that moment in the song, I felt a sense of relief that I hadn’t felt since I started packing. I knew that God was going to take care of me, regardless if I stressed myself out about it or not.
I’m currently in Antigua, Guatemala! I’m blown away every day by the beauty all around me. The pace of life is much more relaxed here, and I’ve begun to really fully enjoy that in a way I wouldn’t have if I were still gripping onto my control and stress.
For my ministry here, I will be helping teach English in local schools. I’ve loved every day and will have a blog with more information next week. Thank you for all the prayers and encouragement!
Love,
Abby in Antigua 🙂
