I don’t like plane rides. I don’t mind the cramped space. I’m not afraid of heights. It’s not even the occasional turbulence that bothers me. The whole time I sit there, I can’t shake the disturbing sense that I have absolutely no control. It’s not like traveling by car, by train, or even biking. In all these things, I have some ability to manipulate my circumstances by opening a door, braking or turning, or simply choosing to get out. But on a plane, I am stripped of every choice, every ounce of control that I normally have in every situation on the ground. I am forced to sit and wait as I trust another person, whether it is the pilot, the flight attendants, or even God himself, to keep me alive. And I hate it.
After fourteen hours of short naps, several movies, and questionable airline food, the plane had just begun its descent into Johannesburg, South Africa. I looked out the window and saw miles and miles of red earth, stretching flat all the way to the horizon. The red tint reminded me of my plane window view several months earlier, touching down in Atlanta, Georgia for training camp, and a few months later, for Launch. I recalled the fear I had felt looking out the window those times, fear of the unknown and what was in store for the months that were stretched out before me. I remembered my view as we descended into Guatemala City, all thunder, lightning, and city lights. I remembered looking down and praising God that everyone I would encounter, every new life that I would touch and every person that would teach me was stretched out underneath my feet, waiting to be revealed and found with each day of the three months I would be there.
As I looked down on Africa, I asked God “What do you have for me here? What are you going to do here, Lord?” A simple but unexpected answer.
You are not in control of anything.
“I know that.”, I thought. I was never more aware of that fact after being up in the air for fourteen straight hours. But I sensed that just like my earlier prayers as I descended into something unfamiliar, this had more to do with just my time on this flight.
At debrief the next week, this topic of control is something that kept coming up for me. I realized how tightly I hold onto the control I have over my life from the small things, like a daily routine, to larger things, like my future and relationships in my life. I feel like if I maintain control, I can ensure the best outcome for myself. I have always thought my way was the best way. My life could be neat, tidy, and perfect as long as I gripped for dear life onto the control I always reassured myself that I had.
On top of that, I was terrified of the endless possibilities of things that could happen if I let go of control, especially giving my control over to God. There was never a tangible guarantee that I would get anywhere in life or that my future would be what I wanted. I was afraid that if I surrendered everything to God, I would have no fun in life. I always imagined the consequence of doing something as crazy as surrendering to God as working at some orphanage in Africa for the rest of my life. Surrendering sounded boring and scary and awful and it was something I didn’t want.
But God had other plans for me. During that debrief, He asked me to surrender my need for control and to simply say yes to whatever He had for me. And so, then and there, I began the process of releasing control.
Soon, I found that Africa is the perfect place to practice this. Plans are always loose, there is always enough time, and the people here are truly the most free I’ve ever met. It’s easy to say yes to God here in a culture where they sacrifice and do that every day.
First I said yes to staying up later than I usually do and praying. I said yes to fasting one lunch and having conversations that were out of my comfort zone. I said yes when I felt I should share something with someone and yes to small, simple acts of kindness. I said yes to the amazingly free worship here in Africa and danced and sang for hours with my church. One thing I’ve found: the more you say yes to God, the easier it gets. I am able to see more and more how time and time again, the little sacrifice I make with my time, emotions, or resources in obedience to God is incredibly worth what He has waiting for me.
One day, a yes in my heart led me to Michael’s Children’s Village, a ministry we have been working with that provides a home for kid’s who don’t have one. There I met Mama Tissa. She sat our whole group down and while she breastfed her baby, she told us all stories about the ministry and how it came to be. As soon as she started talking, I felt like I had been slapped in the face. Here was this woman, one of the most joyful women I’ve ever met, filled with so much passion, light, and genuine happiness who worked at an orphanage in Africa, the very occupation I had used in my mind to discourage myself from surrendering control to God. Clearly surrendering was working for this woman. Through the exact circumstance I had told myself was undesirable, God showed me that He wants to give me the desires of my heart. “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4. The more I say yes to him, the more I trust him and abide in Him, the more I am able to understand His goodness and the desires of my heart begin to align with his. After meeting Mama Tissa, I’m genuinely excited to see where surrendering control will one day lead me and the joy it will bring me, even if it is at an orphanage in Africa.
Another yes brought me to doing door-to-door evangelism in the poverty-stricken neighborhood around the church we attend. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in Africa, it’s how powerful the Holy Spirit is and this is something I experienced an abundance of while doing door-to-door. While out, I saw the Holy Spirit working in ways that blew my mind completely. I saw healings, people giving their lives to Jesus, and even got to be a part of casting out demonic spirits in a house. This stuff is real you guys! After these experiences, there is absolutely no denying that nothing good that comes from me is actually because of me. It’s all God’s power working through me. When I tried to hold onto control, my spiritual life was about progress, measuring up, and trying to do things to get it just right. Now I see that it’s not about what I can do, but all about what He can do through me. Nothing is from me, but everything is from Him. The more I surrender control, the more He is able to work in me and through me to bring glory to His kingdom. My way is nothing compared to the beauty and power of His.
Because of this new way of thinking, my eyes have been opened to the many gifts and blessings God has placed all around me. Everything is a blessing from God. I see it in the daily rain that has come and quenched a long and dangerous drought here in South Africa. I hear it in the loud sound of bugs chirping at night. I feel it when it’s 5 o’clock and the light makes everything warm and peaceful on this campus we are living at.
I distinctly remember the first time I said yes. I was having a pivotal conversation at training camp and I said yes in my heart to going on the World Race. It’s funny how five months later, I am having to say yes again to a new journey equally as beautiful and unknown. My team picked a theme verse for this season, Ephesians 3:20 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen.” Right now, in my own life and in the lives of those around me here in Africa, I am expecting and waiting for God to do immeasurably more than I could even imagine possible. For a session on evangelism, we were asked to come up with a three minute version of our testimonies. My understanding of Jesus and my relationship with Him has changed so drastically in the last three weeks that I couldn’t even piece together my story anymore. Releasing a little bit of control has changed everything and it’s crazy to think that this is only the beginning. God is doing amazing things and I’m so excited to see these things begin to unfold.
I will be leaving for Lesotho, a tiny country inside South Africa, in a week. I don’t know much about the situation other than I’ll be living there for two months, it’s very rural, there is a big chance I’ll be staying in my tent, and the only way into town is by donkey. Be expecting some great blogs about my time there!
Also, I still have quite a bit of money to raise in order to continue this beautiful adventure. I have to raise $1,000 by the 30th. Share this with your friends! Keep praying folks; our God is doing incredible things. Thank you all!
