My sister Jillian and I had a secret closet, in the house we grew up in, filled with beautiful costumes of all kinds. We spent our afternoons dressing up as princesses, ballerinas, fairies, and brides. It was also quite often that we dressed up our little brother in those same outfits and proudly presented him to our parents (who quickly added some male costumes to our collection.) I outgrew those costumes as the years passed, but not my flair for whimsical games of dress up and laughter.
This week in Ireland I had the privilege of volunteering at a thrift store run by the church we are working with. We had the task of organizing the clothes, so of course us girls managed to dress up and have a little fashion show. I found a wedding dress with a veil and had a few minutes of make believe in the back of the warehouse with my friends.
If you have spent even a little bit of time with me, you know that I am not afraid to be a little goofy or strange at times. I brought a guinea pig to school in my purse in tenth grade, I have sneaked into wedding receptions to get free snacks, and dressed like a grandma while passing out cookies in college. I love to be the silly person that Jesus made me to be and I imagine that my creativity makes Him smile and perhaps even roll His eyes at times.
Although I prefer more lighthearted topics , this year I have asked God to work out the things in me that aren’t whimsical and fun but pretty unpleasant to think about. You see, in the same way that I loved to dress up and pretend, I spent most of my life in a similar make believe world. I dressed up like a good christian girl every Sunday, showing up for youth group, mission trips, and spiritual retreats. I pretended in high school to not be tempted by the world like the rest of my friends, and in college that I was confident in the path that God was leading me down.
I got so good at the pretending and faking it that I lost track of what was real, and lost sight of the REAL JESUS that was pursuing me even through my facade. It was not until I opened up my heart to the one who knew every detail of pain and sin that I was able to tear down those walls. Jesus stripped me of my need to appear perfect and put together, and revealed the beauty in desperation, struggle, and even failure. I saw that in my failure, He would never fail.
In the same way that I outgrew those costumes as a small girl, I am outgrowing strongholds over my life while learning its okay to be a working progress. Being real with my imperfections has opened up room for the Joy of the Lord to fill me and given me the freedom to dance through warehouses in a wedding dress.
Abby- Not Pretending Anymore
