What Is This Reality;
a dream within a dream?
I set my foot back in the old familiar house.
My steps could be counted on one's fingers.
Eyes wide, heart uncertain, I set my eyes about the kitchen.
The lights were warm and friendly enough;
the linoleum floors were the same…
Something was amiss.
Something big.
Ah, this must be it:
The simple fact that I am home.
(pause)
But wait, this can't be right..
What time of year is this, anyway?
What month is it?
Wait…
I was sent home after the end of Cambodia?
Heart racing now.
No, this definitely isn't right.
“I never got to hold an African baby,” I lamented.
My heart dropped at the utter lack of fulfillment;
I looked at my empty arms and spun towards the door.
“No!”
My brow furrowed with my increasing distaste for the situation.
They sent me home?
My feet were made of lead, rooted next to the stove.
“But why?”
At the end of Cambodia it was.
I hadn't met the deadline as I should have.
There was no grace extended to me at the end of the month:
It was going to be too expensive to ship me home from Africa if the deadline was not met.
They were not willing to take that risk, apparently.
Then it hit me:
I was dreaming.
I was dreaming and knew I was dreaming;
however, the reality of my dream was overwhelming.
I pinched my arm but felt it vividly;
I pressed my hands to my face but experienced the harshness of touch,
“But I must be dreaming,” I thought.
“You've got to wake up, Abigail!
“Wake up! Wake up!!”
This couldn't possibly be my end.
This couldn't possibly be the end of my Race.
I had so much time left!
I couldn't really be home-
This is dreadful!
“Wake up!”
My eyes open.
Breathe in.
Hostel room, heavy wooden bed frames, Racers sleeping,
soft light through yellowed curtains, Chacos by the bedside..
I close my eyes.
Breathe out.
Thinking on it, most of you might not consider this a frightful sort of dream. Coming back from the extremes of third world countries to the pleasures and comforts of home might appeal to many; however, in my case, being sent home early would be one of the most stifling instances imaginable. That's half a year of missed opportunities. Those are places I might never see. Those are people I will never meet. Those are my inspirations and dreams falling through my fingers.
Now, that is frightening.
Luckily, all those dreams are put to rest by the simple fact that, well, I won't be getting sent home.
Thanks to Jesus and you all, I've been enabled to walk this far;
thus, I will continue to walk and finish what's been started here.
On this note, I just want to give you a brief update as to my finances:
I only have $1,243 before I am fully funded (quite the jump from $15,500)!!
I might ask that you prayerfully consider helping to fund me as my final deadline approaches at the end of this month.
Any and all help is greatly appreciated~
And as always, keep us all in your prayers as we venture forth into Cambodia, please!
~Much love~
