My first team and I were sitting around a restaurant table at launch in Atlanta, Georgia when the question first arose. “Why did you apply for the World Race?” We all had similar expressions of humor and a little meekness as we confessed our answers. My answer was brutally honest as well and I have to admit, it felt good to finally say it out loud. “I joined because I wanted to see the world”, I said with a vulnerable laugh, meeting eyes with my new friends across the table. To my relief, some of my teammates expressed similar pulls to our route as well. We collectively realized that we were all (at least partially) drawn in by words like “extreme” and “expedition”. We dreamed dreams of hiking Machu Picchu in our Patagonia fleeces and cutting down Amazon jungle like Crocodile Dundee. And getting to do it all for God? Seemed like a sweet gig to me. So off I went.
There’s a saying in the military but commonly used elsewhere that “you don’t stay in for the same reasons you joined”. I think from my experience of the World Race so far, that saying very much applies to life in the field. I was attracted to the Race for radically different reasons than the ones that get me through the bad nights now. Those reasons I joined seem silly and far away, barely even applicable to the reality that sharply contrasts against them. Frankly, they even seem a little “cartoony” and I have to admit, sometimes I struggle with the beautifully social-media-ready pictures posted with the World Race hashtag. The world outside of my comfort zone is much more real and gritty than I suppose good marketing could teach me. And so is the World Race.
Here’s my public apology: I’m sorry for all the times I have (and probably will) glamorize my time in South America. I’m not sorry because what I post is a lie, I’m sorry because the reality is, I won’t be thinking to document or publicly complain about the hard times on the Race. It’s a little unflattering and taboo to be frank. The absence of the bad, not the fabrication of the good, is where the discrepancy lies. But I guess that’s just the nature of the beast.
So that leads me to the reality of the Race and the new reasons why I’m committed to seeing it through.
The reality of the Race is a little like every blog you’ve ever read about the reality of having a marriage or a family. It’s a little like the most insane emotional, spiritual, and physical roller coaster of your life, 3 hour long line to board and all. It can be thrilling, draining, boring, joyful, and downright normal. But mostly, it’s the constant willingness to buy into the experience regardless, and choose to love the actual journey instead of wishing it was the imaginary one that doesn’t even exist.
The truth is, if I held onto the reasons I joined the Race and expected them to keep me going, I would have crashed and burned and bought a ticket back to the good old U.S. of A. a long time ago. I would probably be spending too much money on organic food, buying Starbucks coffee, and enjoying the life I had before with the people i love in relative contentment. But instead of all of that, I’m writing this blog from a hostel in Manaus, Brazil choosing into the adventure that God has invited me on. There has been no bush-wacking and I haven’t even seen one darn monkey after spending 6 of the worst travel days of my life on the Amazon River. But there was also laughter in the midst of the radical uncomfortability. There was prayer time spent grappling with a God who is just as present in my frustrations as He is present in my joy. There was the night sitting on the balcony of the ship under the stars with my team singing one of the most honest songs of worship I’ve ever sung and feeling grateful and vibrantly alive. The very same night that we all said in awe, “I’ll never forget this” and basked in the magnitude of the moment we were all praising God under the stars in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest. My travel junkie, Discovery channel dreams couldn’t have dreamt up that night- it was a night God had specially in mind for me.
After spending 6 days and nights on the Amazon, I can officially say it was a bit of a hilariously bad dream. But I can also say with sincerity and confidence that while the World Race isn’t what I imagined it would be, I’m constantly better for buying into the journey, even if all I have to give is one day at a time. Life is a little like that all around I think, it’s never going to go as exactly dreamed up or planned but our willingness to learn and move forward is what makes all the lessons we learn impactful and worthwhile. I might not have the cool scars and jungle cat stories I foolishly thought I’d have when I came home, but what treasures I keep will be infinitely more valuable.
I’ll end my thought with a C.S. Lewis quote that I love, “Aim for heaven, and you’ll get earth thrown in. Aim for earth, and you’ll get neither.” I came in wanting to walk away with the world and what it has to offer and came up empty. Since then, God has been challenging me to want more for my life than the world. So from here on out, I’m choosing Heaven instead. And who knows? I might end up with some cool travel stories too. Only time will tell, but as with any good author, I know there’s no way He’s going to give away the ending.
