“If I give it all to You, will You make it all new? If I open up my hands, will You fill them again?” -United Pursuit.
This song has been echoing through my heart for a solid month as I do my best to walk the tightrope of being present to my current life and looking forward to what lies ahead. So often, I feel like a little kid holding tightly onto a ratty stuffed animal with tears in her eyes. Jesus holds something better behind His back and yet- I just can’t seem to stomach letting Him pry the old rag from my hands. “You might have something better for me, Lord” my heart says, “but this old thing is mine and right now it’s all that I have.”
I have often thought with a mixture of awe and envy about the passage in scriptures where the widow gives all she has to the church. It might not have looked like much on the outside, but to anyone who’s ever felt fragile in the presence of God, those little things we cling to are by far the hardest things to let go. I envy the trust she must have had to open up her hands because she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that her Good Father would fill them again. Do I have the same courage? I’m not always so sure.
Now to anyone in my life feeling slighted to be compared to a ratty stuffed animal- let me explain. It’s certainly not the wonderful and Christ-given people and joys in my life that are what God is asking me to give up. Some of those things might go away for a time, but I believe with my whole heart that God doesn’t rob us of things that bring us closer to Him. He refines and purifies those things to give back to us in His time. I’m talking about the fears and lies that I’ve let define my life. The wounds that have become familiar and comfortable to me. The apathy that I’ve let choke out my zeal and tenacity like weeds around good fruit. He’s asking me to give up what does not resemble Him so that He can make me something powerfully new. And I’m going to level with you- I’m absolutely terrified.
So my prayer has been this: God make me brave. Make me willing to lose everything comfortable and mediocre for Your Kingdom. Let me stop wasting time and stand up like the woman You made me to be. And let nothing else remain.
