There is NO where to run.
After four or five days of my African paradise I started to get a bad case of cabin fever. Instead of seeing the green hedges as beautiful I saw them more as prison gates. We are not allowed to leave the gates without someone on staff from Neema, so no running this month. There is always the pastures on property, but with the constant rain I would be more likely to get a workout swimming through the fields than running. Instead of rejoicing in the extra time that I have with Jesus I found myself getting bored and feeling like I had no purpose.
I teach 2 classes a day, help clean and cook , but still have the remaining half of the day with no schedule and no outlelts. Not only do I have no where physically to run, but I don't have anywhere to run spiritually or emotionally either. We are in the middle of nowhere and I have been fasting from anything that I can run to and hide in.
I can't run until my lungs are tired and my legs ache. I can't run from the noises of the world or people around me by putting in headphones. I can't run from my bordem or feeling's of uselessness by getting lost in a book. I can't get affrimation, sympathy, or simply catch up from anyone who knows me better than I do myself. This month I really can't run anywhere but to the Lord, which is exactly what I have been asking for but boy is it harder than I thought.
The other day I was having a minor freak out: I was going crazy feeling so trapped, bored, and useless in this place, however beautiful it might be. And then my mind flashed back to my first day of class in Kenya. I was helping with the Class one and Kinder (when the internet is better I will add a picture of their beautiful faces) and I had 40 small, filthy, loving hands gripping and fighting for mine to hold, just for a quick touch and split-second of my attention. I was also reminded of how breathtaking and unique the morning sky had been every day.
And the Lord was like HELLOOOO have you forgotten that this is how I fight for your attention: it is constant and in so many different ways every single day, what else do you need? Where else would you want to run when My thoughts for you outnumber the sand? Do you not see the way I romance you constantly? I have you here to glorify Me, is that not enough?
And while that hit me over the head pretty good, it is certainly not something that I have learned yet, it like everything else, is a long process. I have to keep reminding myself that the busy days will once again be a part of my life, but for now its the simple life in the mountians of Africa and I don't want to miss a single moment of it.
"We are conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one."
That quote and this passage of scripture in Philippians are my go to reminders that I am right where I need to be and everything I need to be content is here with me, the issue is whether or not I choose to open my eyes. There is NO where to run and for once, I am so thankful for that.
Phil 4:11-13