Last week, my team started visiting an orphanage in Malaysia. There are 18 children, from the ages of 7 months – 16 years old. Three of the children actually live at the orphanage with their mother, who after being abandoned by her husband, started working at the orphanage: she provides for her own children by caring for other children with broken lives.
Joshua, is her eldest: a precious 5 year old boy. At 3 months old, he developed a rash, which was overlooked by doctors. It is now a horrible skin disease that controls every aspect of his young life. From the moment I first saw him, my heart ached. He was sitting on the floor, clawing at his skin, clear that the constant scratching didn't give relief… but brought more comfort than simply doing nothing. His sweet eyes are almost always filled with tears and his most frequent noise is a whimper.
The first day I was only there an hour as we met the staff and kids in preparation for our ministry there, yet I spent the next two days with Joshua hogging my heart and mind. Friday we were at the orphanage for 6 hours, we were supposed to be teaching the kids English and Bible stories, but I'll be honest I was useless to my teammates. I learned that being pushed in the stroller was Joshua's absolute favorite, for him it is a temporary relief from the misery he can't escape. I walked around for over an hour in a circle, my heart breaking as I saw joy on his little face for the first time as he waved or stuck his tongue out at his brothers and sisters who were learning.
After lunch I sat with Joshua on the couch and tried to coax him into a nap. I played music from my phone and sang softly as his tired eyes battled against his will to stay awake. After a few minutes he was sound asleep, and to my disbelief, his horror wasn't over. Even during sleep his hands rubbed his scabbed arms and legs mechanically, seeking desperately for relief that he could never seem to find.
He awoke abruptly from the screams of his brothers and the whimpering began again. He started to violently claw at his ankles and I tried gently to occupy his hands. We pretended to talk on my phone and play hide and seek for the better half of an hour, and my teammates and I got a glimpse of the incredible child trapped inside his own personal hell. He laughed, flirted, and stuck his tongue out for pictures.
Then something snapped and he couldn't take it anymore. The itch of his skin once again took over his life. Within seconds he had rubbed so ferociously that both of his legs had blood running down them. I quickly brought him to his mom who scolded him gently, as I tried to regain my composure. I have a very strong stomach, but for some reason watching him do that made me feel so sick.
I cried out to my Savior in complete anguish: I told Him how much I hated how this boy was stuck in misery in his own skin. How he was just a child, but didn't live the life of a child. How even the medicine, just covered up the boils.. it didn't heal them.He showed me how much he loves Joshua and is fighting for him everyday but He also showed me how much like Joshua I am every day. That I have this gross disease that has no worldly cure and this disease controls everything about me. There are things that I seek for temporary relief, but it is always just that: temporary, they cover brokenness instead of bringing healing. That the sin I have in my life, is just as consuming as Joshua's skin disease, it just looks a little differently.
Jesus is funny like that. He can break your heart for His children, and show you the brokenness in your own life at exactly the same time. Being discontent with both of these are equally important. Its important to be aware of both the need around you and the need in you (which at times is much harder to see), luckily both have the same cure: Jesus. Jesus doesn't take away all suffering on earth though, we live in a fallen world, but what He does do is give undeniable hope, all consuming peace, and unending love. He works in and through us on this broken earth, promising eternity with our perfect loving Father through belief in him.
