With a troubled heart I shared with my Heavenly Father my pain, frustrations, and thoughts.
Daddy, I have never been hungry a day in my life.
Not physically, but spiritually you have been starved. You do not live on bread alone.
I have more outfits in my backpack than she has had in her entire life. I have been living on 3$ a day and I am able to live in excess. How can I have so much when she has so little?
You live in a fallen world. See the need and bless. Not all of the children that come to Bethel struggle with food. Some eat 3 meals a day, but I would have this whole feeding center open just for Mariana. I love her that much, I love you that much my child.
* At this time, while I was currently in tears talking to Jesus my teammate Amanda walked through the room, and the Lord said " Beauty. My daughter is so beautiful, she takes my breath away" and then went right back to me*
I hate that I even considered wanting to see one of my loved ones at the airport when it costs so much and there are people that have so little.
I would gladly fly someone to you and back if thats what it takes for you to understand my love for you. I don't love you more or less than Mariana, I do whatever it takes to capture the hearts of my children and show them my love.
When I finished talking to the Lord, it was time for our Thanksgiving meal. I sat around the table with five beautiful women and shared what the Lord had taught me. Our contact Anita then told us how incredible it was that the Lord had sent us to her at this time. She was worn out and tired and had a lot of money to raise for Bethel and Christmas clothes for the children. She said we came at the perfect time to let her both rest and get work done. She also told us that Thanksgiving is one of her favorite holidays because of all her friends in the states and she didn't think she would be able to celebrate it this year.
It was then that I began to understand the love of the Lord in an entirely different light. I know in my head that He loves us, that He loves me and I could tell you that all day long. I know and believe He sent his son to die for His people. But I have never been able to see the individual love and pursuit of God's children as clearly as I did in that moment. Not only did I see the love that He has for both Mariana and I, but Amanda and Anita as well.
He loves me enough to tell me everyday even when I don't care to hear it. He loves me enough to send me on this crazy adventure just so He can open my eyes to the incredible ( and same) love that He has had for me my whole life. He loves me enough to let me be His hands and feet, His tangible love to a beautiful little girl.
He loves Mariana enough to make sure she gets food every single day. He loves her enough to put this feeding ministry on Anita's heart. He loves her enough to break my heart for her and to share a hand, piece of bread and a few dollars.
He loves Amanda enough to interrupt me pouring out my heart to Him and sit in awe of the beauty He created her to have.
He loves Anita enough to fly 5 of his daughters across the world to give her rest from the ministry He called her to. He loves her enough to align the time we are here with one of her favorite holidays, Thanksgiving, that she otherwise would not have celebrated.
This Thanksgiving is one worth remembering even if it was far from what I am used to, I am so thankful for the new light and understanding I have of the love of God.
The LOVE of God is greater than we dare to hope or Dream.
(God Undefeatable: Todd Agnew)
