It's December 13th, but the only way I can tell that is from the calendar. It certainly doesn't "feel" like Christmas time. I'm the hottest I have been in the last four months. It's more humid than I have ever experienced in my life. There is not a Christmas tree or hot chocolate in sight. Im in a foreign country, trying to stomach new foods and love people with an entirely different way of living. And it's just perfect.
Two days ago I had an entirely different attitude. To be quite honest it was horrendous. Monday night we traveled from our little camp in the mountains where we had been hard at work with manual labor and helping with existing ministries, where we had a schedule to abide by and checklist to cross off. Week one of the Philippines was quite wonderful.
Our day off was Monday and we went white (brown) water rafting with another team in the morning, and it was incredible! That afternoon we had planned to use Internet, go out to dinner to celebrate Ed's birthday and then after 8 p.m. meet our new contact to learn about our ministry for the next few weeks. Previously, we had been told we would be working/helping with typhoon victims. Because that was the schedule I was told , those were the expectations I had.
They mean it when the first thing they tell you at training camp is have no expectations. We stepped off the bus exhausted but satisfied after rafting and were immediately told that we were late for a meeting with the Barungay ( community) captain at our new site. It was 3:45 and none of us has eaten since 7 am. Our contacts couldn't fit us in the car, so that meant the other team had to come with to take the van even though they had just comfortably settled at Starbucks. They told us we probably wouldn't get dinner so we needed to order some lovely McDonald's to go, but then were frustrated because we were not hurrying and people were waiting in a meeting for us.. That we didn't even know had been planned.
After a long encounter with stop and go traffic and a few language barrier incidents we made it to our meeting. The captain was very nice and wanted to know what exactly what we wanted to be doing.. Good thing we had no idea because we didn't even know we had a meeting or what our new ministry was supposed to be other than "flood relief", nobody else seemed to know either. We told him we just wanted to serve and help in whatever way possible and live in the community with the victims.
He showed us a displacement site with victims from last years typhoon who had been living in these shelters for a year. He seemed very hesitant about letting 6 girls stay in tents at the location.. and jokingly asked us multiple times if we had a weapon. We met the man in charge of the camp who had a black wife beater on and spoke very little English.
Then they brought us our packs and dropped us off in the dark to set up tents.. We tried to call it an early night but every noise known to man occurred, making sleep impossible. . 11 pm every light and tv was still on in the entire complex and apparently they were having a competition as to who's house could be the loudest. 1 am the men were sitting right outside hacking up a lung from cigarette smoke. 2 am is when the roosters started there morning songs. 3:10 am an alarm went off.. It proceeded to go off for the next 3 hours straight, the only time I didn't hear it was at 5:13 am the church bells at the convent rang loud enough to wake the dead. Just in case you didn't hear them they rang again at 5:21 am. Which is when I proceeded to just get out of bed because I had been awake all night anyways.
Next morning I got up to use the squatty potty, the entire room was soaking wet. Also our stuff wasn't safe by its self so I volunteered to stay behind and watch our belongings with Mary B. By 11 a.m. I had been up for six hours already and was convinced it was the longest/most miserable day of my entire life. For ministry we had no instructions and the people wouldn't even talk to us, we were just awkwardly living in the middle of their lives. I'll be honest I was convinced that there was zero way I would survive two weeks.
I was in a terrible mood. This is pointless, we aren't even doing anything. It's miserably hot, I have to babysit my stuff and I'm bored to tears after 4 hours, nobody knows why we are here..hell I don't even know why we are here. There isn't even any flood relief to do, there has to be actual need somewhere else so we can do something useful. Worst Christmas ever. I was doing a professional job at feeling sorry for myself. Then my nasty attitude got a royal kick in the rear and all it took was one sentence.
" We are so honored that you want to spend your Christmas here with us , we know it won't be nice like you are used to"
I saw myself and attitude in a light of truth, the selfishness for what it had been.. absolutely disgusting and sinful. I saw my need for my Savior more clearly than I have in a while.
I am not entitled to know the purpose of my ministry .. I am called to be the Love of Christ. A ministry doesn't have to have a checklist or schedule, it's a lifestyle.
I am not entitled to know or make my own schedule.. I am called to be flexible and live with no expectations.
I am not entitled to a night of sleep… I am called to rest in my Heavenly Father and rely on Him for my strength.
I am not entitled to a Christmas celebration… I am called to remember the unfathomable gift that Christmas is, and it certainly doesn't fit in a box or under a tree.
Jesus,
Thank you for your grace and that it reigns down on me even when I am an absolute brat. Thank you that you are all that I ever have and ever will need. Thank you for forgiving me when I forget my place as a daughter of the King and try to find satisfaction by loving things of this world. Thank you for unending patience, unparalleled love, and unmerited grace.
