A week ago we had debrief outside of Nairobi Kenya as we pulled away at 5 am, for our supposed 12 hour bus ride, I felt more exhausted than I had in months.(turned out to be 24 drive after a visit to the police station, one bus catching on fire, and a near arrest… traveling in Africa at its finest) Yet through my absolute physical exhaustion, I felt completely filled, alive, and renewed.
Month 8 is when the talk about home really starts. Its when most of us realize how exhausted we are. Its when we realize how close we are to being home and how exciting/terrifying that is. Its when the "what the heck am I going to do after the Race" question is no longer on the back of your mind, but the forefront. Its when the glamour of this trip has completely worn off. Its when our bodies are complaining because they are exhausted from the constant physical, spiritual, and emotional battles and breakthroughs that have taken place over the last year. Its when any ounce of our own reserve strength reads empty.
And the crazy awesome thing is that is when God shows up. I was no different than most of my teammates and squadmates at the end of Kenya. Especially coming off of a month where I didn't talk to anyone from home, I missed it. I missed my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my bed, my car, my comforts. I was tired and so God filled me up by one of the most exhausting weeks on the race: Month 8 debrief.
When all I wanted was a taste of home, the parents from PVT showed up with care packages: letters, homemade cookies, and loving mom hugs.
When I wasn't sure if I had done anything of worth in Kenya, the kids performed a two hour show for our departure saying how much they were going to miss us, gave us African paintings, and my high school girls wrote me the sweetest notes.
When I missed road trips with my best friends, I got to read letters from them driving across Kenya, while my hair was whipped from the windows and I listened to some of our favorite songs.
When I had lost sight of why I was here, I stayed up until 3 AM most nights sharing stories with my old teammates and K squad about how the Lord is working.
When I was thinking about my sweet wyldlife kids, I got to hug, reminisce, and share love stories with one of my high school young life leaders: an incredible woman of God on K squad.
When I had been crying out to God for a new way to worship Him, He gave me a few hours of worship under African stars led by the L squad band.
We had month 8 debrief with K squad. About 120 of us total. That is a whole lot of people in a little space, but it was wonderful. We got to encourage, challenge, and spur each other on as we neared the end of our journey. As I looked around at worship one night I was almost brought to tears as I realized how much I loved my squad. While I had been missing my family from America, God reminded me how He had given me such an amazing family to walk along side of me this year. Sure sometimes we get on each others nerves because we are NEVER allowed to be alone. But good grief these people are incredible. I looked around and saw how much Jesus has changed and refined each of us in the last 8 months and it is truly remarkable.
I left debrief after many sleepless nights, tears , and laughter. Tired to the bone, but so filled. So full of life. Of Joy. Of my Savior's overwhelming goodness. And though this last week I have not felt that every day, I am holding onto the full heart that He has given me. I know I am going to look back and miss this. I am going to miss laughing at ridiculous travel days. I am going to miss having dirty hair for a week. I am going to miss all of these beautiful, smiling people that I see every day.
I know that I am going to miss it far more than I miss home right now, so I am vowing to make the most of it. So for the remaining 3 months here is the vision that the Lord gave me.
" To love like I love, be My hands & feet & love to all of those you encounter, My precious one. Walk in freedom and walk in My spirit. Love fully because you have given your heart fully over to Me to love, hold, and protect- My promises are true. I want your beauty in Me to shine light in the dark places."
Ready or not Africa, here I come. Here L squad comes. To cover you in prayer, shower you with love, and share with you the abundant life we have come to know and be filled with daily.
