Attempting to process something as life-transforming as World Race Training Camp and put it into adequate words is quite difficult, but I will do my best to at least give you a glimpse at what God was doing in that beautiful period in time.
On the first morning of training camp, I woke up feeling alone. I didn’t feel like I fit in or that I belonged. I was attacked with the feeling that I wasn’t good enough- like I’ve felt before. My heart was hurting in many ways and the Lord spoke straight into my insecurities. He revealed parts of my heart that still required healing and then gave me the way to see them healed.
As I learned more about myself, I found out how much I was bound by the fear of rejection. It has kept me from being truly myself and having friendships that could glorify God to the fullest. Near the end of training camp, I really found that rejection was a bigger theme in my life than I had ever known. I have looked through the lenses of “I’m not good enough” and “They won’t really like the real you” more often than I could care to admit.
The Lord also revealed to me how much I relied on Him to give me a purpose- not very much. I thought I knew what I wanted and what would make me happy. Nope. During training camp, I went through a process of recognizing that the Lord did not define me by the role/ lack of role I would possibly be given. He saw me through the lenses of love. He loved me deeply- down to the ugliest parts of me. He called me His- that’s what really matters.
He broke down the walls of my “false self” and paved a way for me to find out who I am by finding out more of who He is.
To me, He is my Provider, My Father, my Best Friend, and my Love. He is so much more, but these speak to my heart more than anything right now. He gives me my identity as His beautiful daughter.
Through this time, the junk that filled me- all the worry and anxiety- started to become more clear to me and I was more aware of how much I didn’t practice a life of peace. I gradually became more at peace with the fact that I would be placed where I’m called to be (with the right team and doing the right thing).
Through this peace, He put me on a team that I believe I can learn from. Their hearts and their passions. The Lord placed each of us together for His greater purpose and to glorify Him. We decided our team name would be Koinonia. It is a reflection of what we want as a team- what God intends for our fellowship to look like with Him and with one another. It is Christ’s body- healthy and growing together, using the gifts that we have each been given, to serve at a greater capacity than any of us could do on our own.
Here’s a picture of us:
Sooo as much I really wanted to tell you all about this heart and mind transformation that was happening in me, I’ve also been wanting to tell you a bit about the fun, adventurous stuff.
1. I didn’t really know what the schedule looked like most of the time- it was actually pretty nice! I need to be okay with not knowing things sometimes. It can actually be really enjoyable, if I allow it to be.
2. Every day, I was immersed in a different culture at mealtimes. They gave us food we would we see in different countries and challenged us to practice the customs of the countries we were assigned for the day. There were days where I felt comforted by the rockin’ meals- where we had more than enough for us all, other days where we ate without utensils, and other days where we were given crickets with our breakfast and mystery meats for lunch (Yes, I tried both yummy foods). Mmm-mmm! Here’s a picture of me with the crickets:
3. I don’t want to reveal too much about all of the technical moments of training camp, in case a future Racer happens to read this blog, but if you want to talk about it, I’d love to! Also, if you have any questions about my experience spiritually, I’d love to hear from you. My e-mail would be a great way to contact me (You can also use it to contact me on the field- I will do what I can to keep up with it)- [email protected].
Thank you so much for journeying with me, loving me, supporting me, and believing in me. It means so much. Here are just a few pictures… 
This was our living situation for most nights… My tent is the green one with the gray top past the brown one, in the second picture. Had to take it down and put it back up a few times throughout the week. My stuff never went back in my backpack the same way as it had showed up to training camp.
We had a campfire cookout one night… We had delicious chicken, veggies, and pineapples with coconut milk. That night, some of the ladies on my squad set up a shelter with tarps and giant storage containers. Shout-out to Nora (she had a huge part in making sure we had shelter and a fire)!
I chose to sleep under the stars that night- great decision! It was so beautiful (the moon was so bright that night) and the company was great.
SQUAD WARS- Who run the world? I-squad girls!
**ALSO… big news!! We’re going to Cambodia for our first month! We will spend 2 months in Thailand after that, 3 months in Malawi, and 3 months in Guatemala. Woot-woot!
