Since coming to Ecuador, I’ve been a little frustrated because I feel like I’m not doing as much as everyone else on my team. When it’s time to pray for people, I don’t feel like I know what to say or when they ask us to speak, I don’t know what they need to hear. To be honest, I was really angry at God. Why did He call me to the Race and then leave me the first month? Why wasn’t I hearing from Him when everyone else on my team was hearing so much?
Then last night, one of our contacts, Gustavo, told us that he wanted to have a “Holy Spirit Night” where we just worship and pray. When I heard we were going to do this, I was kind of upset because I just wanted to have our team time and then go to bed, but as soon as we started, it was so amazing! Gustavo’s sister, Mave, and another woman who works at Casablanca wanted to be with us and pray for those of us they felt called to. When it started, I didn’t really think anything of it because I wasn’t really into being there and I was still angry with God and just didn’t want to worship at all at that moment, but about a half an hour into worshipping, these two women laid hands on me and prayed for me. They said that God wanted me to know that He hears me. He hears me every night when I pray to Him and that He does speak to me, I just have to stop doubting myself. That the thoughts I don’t speak because I think they’re my own are really from Him and people need to hear them. They said that God really speaks to me a lot, I just need to be more confident and that He is going to bring my confidence to the surface in a way that I never thought possible. After they prayed, they laid their hands on different parts of my body and prayed that I would be confident enough to use them in the way God asks of me. To hear this from two women who I’m only talked to a handful of times, all of which were in broken English and Spanish, was so amazing and it really makes me realize how much God is moving here in Ecuador, in our Squad, and on my Team.
After they stopped praying for me, six other members of my squad also prayed for me, and it was generally the same prayer, about how they were thankful that I was here and that I’m here on purpose. I didn’t realize how much I was feeling like I didn’t quite fit here until so many people verbalized that I did because on the whole, I love being here and love everyone that I’m with. It’s so much easier to believe the little voice in my head saying that I don’t really belong here and that I made the wrong decision to do this instead of starting a job after school than to trust that I’m here for a reason and that I really have been called here. I’m so thankful for every single person on my squad and team and can’t imagine doing this without a single one of them.
