man oh man, I’ve been struggling with what to write this blog post about. I’ve written things down and then immediately deleted them because I didn’t think they were good enough but I decided I’m just gonna go for it. after a bit of writer’s block, I feel God tugging on my heart to just share about where I am, not as in what country, but more of how I’m doing and how life is going here in malaysia.
not to start off as a Debbie downer or anything, but as of right now I can say that I honestly just feel like crying. I’m on this amazing journey & I have this crazy opportunity to share the love of Jesus with people in a different part of the world but I’ve been getting really caught up in things back home. it’s hard being so far away while I watch my friends enjoy their college life and get new jobs and even make new friends. its hard watching my family celebrate birthdays and holidays without me there. as cliche as it sounds, its just plain hard accepting the fact that life still goes on even if I’m on the other side of the world. weird, right??
i’m in new places, facing new struggles and I’m learning that it’s a lot harder to choose happiness than everyone makes it seem. these past two weeks have been very slow here. we only get to teach English 4 times throughout this entire month & the rest of the days we attend church services, go on prayer walks, and just spend time asking the Lord to show us what He wants us to see. the city we’re staying in is nothing like Chiang Mai, Thailand. there isn’t much to do around here besides go to a coffee shop down the road or sit at the laundry mat for free wifi. when we walk through the streets or even go to get breakfast, people stare. we stick out like sore thumbs here & its a constant reminder that we are no where close to home. it’s easy to feel like I’m useless here. it’s easy to be blinded by how hard it is and to not see the fruit of what we are doing.
I guess what I’m trying to get at is that, this journey I’m on has been a bit bumpy lately, and I wanted to share that but I also wanted to share what I’m learning. Through these struggles, I know that I am only getting stronger. when I feel like I’m alone and I want to quit, I am being pushed closer to my Heavenly Father. when I feel like I am doing nothing here, God reveals to me the seeds that are being planted. malaysia is teaching me that sometimes it’s all about the little things. sometimes it’s just about watching my teammates kick a soccer ball around with a little boy in the street. sometimes it’s just about smiling to someone who maybe hasn’t been smiled at in a long time. sometimes it’s just about being kind to the ladies that serve us breakfast every morning. sometimes it’s about choosing to shift my perspective and to see this place through loving eyes.
this may not be my favorite place but instead of focusing on that, I am choosing to focus on the light that my teammates and I bring to this city.
also if you guys have any questions, I would love to address them in my next post so please comment below! 🙂
