Despite the cliché, my heart really did start pounding when I first read about the World Race, but then I chose to ignore it. I chose to think about “reality” and how impossible this trip would be for me.
The interesting thing here is that I know the World Race is going to be one of the most challenging things in my life that I will ever do. I know that it’s not always comfortable, safe, or easy. However, that is not why I was terrified. For the past weeks I had been struggling with questions such as: “Am I ready for this journey?” “Am I good enough to be a missionary?” “Am I spiritually strong enough to go and minister to others in real and raw settings around the world?” “Will people think I’m worth financially and spiritually supporting?” “Will I let them down?”
Maybe these questions are normal for any person to think especially when they’re in a vulnerable place. Maybe these doubts could mean that I’m not ready for the World Race. Either way, I am really grateful for these doubtful moments because they draw me closer to God.
Since I began college I knew that no matter what career I chose or where it led me to, I would be doing some long-term missions for God. My dad always reminded me and my siblings that God opens and closes doors in our lives. That he sets aside different times in our lives like stages- a time to study, to learn, to be young, to be single, etc. My dad always encouraged us to seek God and take advantage of each stage of life we were in because that is where God was teaching and molding us.
I began to start praying for the next stage of my life and that led me to the World Race. The minute I read about this ministry I knew that this was the next stage for me. For the next week, even when I wanted to, I couldn’t get the World Race out of my mind. I was afraid and that is when those questions of doubt began. But like I have already mentioned, I am really thankful for those doubts. They refocus me to Christ, the center of it all. He reminds me that I am human. He also reminds me that I, and the rest of the world, were worth the sacrifice. That is why we go and share this love and message of hope. That is why we have and always will go. So therefore, whether I feel sure about myself or not, I am sure of the Gospel. I am sure of the reason that I go. I have confidence in the Good News and would want nothing more than to share that with others around the world for the next year!
Now I feel like I get it. We love because he first loved us. We go because He came first. So through these next couple months of fundraising and preparing for the World Race, I might still have doubts and fears, but I will always have hope and truth. I’m learning that this calling is not just journey around the world, but a journey of complete surrender in my walk with Christ.
