Could I just be honest for a minute and tell you that this whole World Race journey kind of scares me. While I am sure of God's call on my life to go into international missions, the realization that I will be on the mission field in a little under 6 months terrifies me.
Let me give you a few reasons why:
1. I feel extremely under qualified.
2. I've never been good at meeting new people.
3. I will have no control whatsoever.
4. I need to raise about $12,000 more.
5. Cold showers (if there is a shower at all), spiders, illness… all bound to occur.
6. I will be pushed out of every level of comfort (physical, spiritual, mental, emotional).
7. Carrying all of my belongings in a 50 lb backpack. First of all trying to fit everything in under 50 lbs and second not falling over when I put my pack on.
8. Training Camp. Meeting teammates. Dancing (almost every training camp video I've watched includes lots and lots of dancing…I've never danced in public, it's one of those things that sends me way way way out of my comfort zone).
If you know me well at all you know that I am typically a reserved personality. While I certainly enjoy the company of others and enjoy talking with others one on one, group settings have always been hard for me. I'm like a chameleon when it comes to large groups, I just try to blend into the background and hope that no one singles me out.
By now your probably asking "So then why are you going on the World Race?"
Simple. I am told to go. All insecurities aside, I was made to go. But not just to go, but to go with the message of hope of Jesus Christ. There is a whole world out there filled with people who have never heard of the name of Jesus. They have never known or seen the hope, love and redemption of Christ.
Right now, there are children who will go to sleep hungry, not knowing where their next meal will come from. There are young girls being sold into sex trafficking. There are widows being abused. There are refugees without a place to say the night. There are prisoners contemplating the value of their lives.
I ask you "How can I not go?" There is a broken, depraved generation that needs to hear the hope of the gospel. They need to know that they are accepted, no matter their circumstance. They need to know that a sacrifice was made for them so that they could experience true freedom. No matter what they have done, no matter how unworthy they feel, they need to know that God sent his son to die for them, that they would not have to bear the weight or consequence of their sin for eternity.
Now let me give you a few reasons why my reasons above insufficient:
1. Perhaps you've heard of the saying: God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called. No matter my insufficiencies, Christ is my strength. When I fail, he succeeds.
2. We were made for community with others. Although meeting new people can be intimidating, scary and awkward, the benefits of a lasting friendship outweigh any of the trouble it took to develop the friendship.
3. Ultimately we don't have much control to begin with. When we submit to what God wants for us, instead of trying to shape our world to meet our needs, we realize that life is not all about us and find a deep sense of meaning and fulfillment.
4. God owns all the money in the world. He is more than able to provide for my needs. He is in the business of doing things that seem impossible.
5. Living uncomfortably…it builds character. And I will have many excellent stories to tell when I return.
6. Growth comes from being pushed beyond your limits. The best things in life, you have to work for. it might be uncomfortable and painful during the process, but in the end, the benefits outweigh the strain. Suffering has a way of strengthening in a way that stagnancy never could. No pain no gain.
7. When Jesus called the disciples to go with him, they dropped everything and left. They relied on God for their needs and everything they didn't need wasn't necessary. Living with less helps you to realize what is truly important and opens your eyes to see how much you are blessed.
8. My teammates will be my family for the next year. As we begin to experience the world together, barriers and insecurities will be broken down and we will truly live like brothers and sisters. As far as the dancing…perhaps its a good thing to let yourself go every now and then. In time a suspect this will become less of an issue.
Despite my insecurities, it is clear to see that God is breaking down the walls that are around me. I am his vessel. I will go. I must go.
