I must admit, as of late my excitement for the World Race has dwindled a bit since the beginning. As the days are quickly winding down until training camp in October and launch in January, I can't help but feel overwhelmed. Fundraising has been at a stand still for the past month. I still have many major supplies and gear to buy for the race. I'm still sorting out details for my final semester of college and gearing up to graduate. I'm trying to manage my bank account properly to be able to afford the necessary shots and meds for the race among other things. There is simply so much to do in what seems like a very short amount of time.
Ever since I decided to do the World Race back in March, it seems I have had much criticism come my way. Many do not understand why I am going to so many places for a relatively short amount of time rather than spend a longer amount of time investing in one place and question the effectiveness of the mission. Others hear the amount I have to raise in order to go and politely explain their doubts about ever raising that much. Despite my initial excitement, it is so easy to get bogged down with so many negative thoughts and lose sight of the vision. On top of it all, everything inside me fears what is ahead of me. I know for certain that I will be pushed beyond every limit on the World Race.
I expect that on the race I will come face to face with the reality of a broken world. I will wrestle with my inability to change anything in my own strength. I expect to be stripped of my superficiality and laid bare and exposed. I will be made aware of just how much I lack power, strength, and control. I expect to reach a level of brokenness that every ounce of my human pride and dignity will try to prevent from happening. My insufficiencies will be brought to light.
Although I expect the journey to be beyond challenging, I know that I must go. There is an even greater fear, that would accept the comfortable life. For the past year and half I have been living back at home, living a comfortable life. I am not challenged. I am not growing. My greatest fear is that I would continue down this path of self fulfillment and never grow. Growth comes from the uncomfortable moments, when you feel stretched thin and do not feel you can carry on. I do not want to be lukewarm in my faith by settling for the comfort of having everything I want or need. I am at a point where I must be pushed out and forced to trust the Lord for my needs. I must depend on him fully, not my crutches of security and comfort. I suspect there is much more joy and freedom in living a life fully abandoned to Christ. Jesus speaks of the paradox, "Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it" (Luke 17:33). I think its about time I try living for something other than myself.
